


peace is bought with blood (don't let it be yours)

by Cat_inthe_Hat



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, But it's Konoha and they are shinobi, Child Neglect, Child Soldiers, Danzou is a creep but what's new, Fix-It of Sorts, Found Family, Gen, I'm ignoring most of canon in here, It's not as dark as it may sound i swear, It's not mentioned as such but it's there, Kakashi did not sign up for this, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sarutobi is trying, Shisui kicks ass and gets shit done, Some OC's because we know nothing about Shisui's generation, They are trying okay, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-14
Updated: 2019-09-13
Packaged: 2019-10-09 21:56:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 25,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17413454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cat_inthe_Hat/pseuds/Cat_inthe_Hat
Summary: Uchiha Shisui is dangerous.That is what the whispers say anyway, they tell about a boy with blood red eyes that can destroy your mind without touching you, about a devil brought to earth who can force people to attend his every whim. A child monster coated in red with terrible mind powers, a little psychopath that was murdering men thrice his age before hitting puberty.And the solution to a dilemma.The Sandaime Hokage makes a different decision regarding the Uchiha, a simple choice with no guarantee of actually working, made solely to maintain the fragile peace for a little longer and the history of Konoha changes. No bloodshed, no teenager cornered into making destructive choices, no child being left traumatized, no Clan slaughtered.Uchiha Shisui, at the ridiculous young age of seventeen, is appointed as Hokage Candidate.(It’s quite a shame Danzo was not clever enough to pay attention to the rumors before starting his plans.)Or: Uchiha Shisui was not called a genius for nothing. When the opportunity to maintain peace comes breaking his door and hitting him square in the face he does the logical thing and holds into it.





	1. Chapter 1

When he is only four years old Shisui loses his father.

It’s not an impressive death rather the man own body betraying him and leaving him weaker with every passing day until death finally took mercy and ended his suffering. There is no name in the Memorial Stone for Uchiha Kaito no matter that he got sick for helping with an epidemic that all the other medics are afraid to look closely into, that he lost his life so heavens knows how many could survive instead, that he avoided a tragedy. There is no glory for the heroes of the shadows, Shisui learns it early and harshly.

Shisui can’t remember his father, pictures and strangers tell about a medic-nin with an easy smile and warm eyes that loved Konoha more than his own life, a good man who was dearly missed by everyone who knew him. His mother used to tell about a stubborn man who never knew when to give up, who would throw his life away for others with no hesitation, the first person to made her blush and laugh. Shisui is very sure he loves his father for it, he sounded like a good man, a man who would hug him and teach him chakra tricks.

* * *

 

He is eight when his mother fails to return from a mission. It don’t take much to him to understand what that means and he cries and cries alone in his room when no one can see, refuses to show the world his pain and when the name of Uchiha Himeni is added to the Memorial Stone her only son’s eyes are dry and the boy is proud of his powerful and deadly mother, proud of her sacrifice, proud of the person she was. She was a heroine they tell him, that died to protect secrets of the Village, but Shisui doesn’t need those words, doesn’t need their validation, she was always a heroine to him, capable of being a good mother and a fearsome kunoichi at the same time, it is not a heroic death at a senseless war who will shape his opinion of her.

Sometimes he thinks he would rather have a alive mother than a loyal one and the shame of those thoughts burn his insides like fire.

(He misses her every day, there is a burn in his chest and he wants nothing more than to weep. But she was a proud kunoichi and Shisui knows better than to question her sacrifice, her resolve to protect Konoha and his future, that is something the members of his family learn very early, a lesson that comes from Uchiha Kagami from who his mother was a direct descendent, a man who loved his Village more than anything else, who died too young because of it.

A early death, poisonous voices whisper when they see him, hearts full of old hate, is the destiny of that family, is what they gain for putting the village before the Clan, a curse for Uchiha Kagami, the man who dared to betray them and become friends and a student to a Senju. They spit the names and the word like its poison, taking resentments that aren’t theirs and putting them in the shoulders of a boy)

* * *

 

He is also eight years when he graduates the Academy.

(His generation genius, they whisper in awe, bound to be great in the future)

It’s not a good year for Konoha when it comes to their gennins. At least four of his classmates fail the final test and half of the teams would be sent back by their jonin-sensei if they didn’t need soldiers as fast as they could make them. Shisui wouldn’t need to be a genius to realize that his team is Konoha’s desperate tentative of making a good image for other Villages in the middle of war, no other reason could justify the three best students being put in the same team.

They are all precocious kids, the ones that studied their whole lives with those older than then, who completed the course faster than most would expect, their minds sharp and in addition to that each one proficient in an different ninja ability. Shisui with his natural affinity with genjutsu and chakra control, Emiko with a kenjutsu ability to put some chunnins to shame and a natural easiness with interrogation, Hikaro with his soft words and steady hands was a natural with medical jutsu. They are Team 9, the “genius team” as people started calling them after a while, under the command of a weary war veteran called Yamanaka Masaru.

(The Academy teachers looked at them in graduation and cried alone after. The Village whispers about a genius team and rejoice for having more power to use but the teachers weep for children who will grow too fast and too hard, who will never have the chance to have a infancy, who will end up swallowed by a war they are too young to be pushed into)

The first month can be only summoned as hell. Their teacher was a slave driver of the biggest caliber, always pushing and demanding and Shisui lost count of how many times he was in the verge of exhaustion just shy of a collapse, his whole body hurting and hunger making him snap at everything and everyone. But hell or not their resolve as strong as steel, Shisui choose to be a shinobi, choice this life of pain and death to honor his parents and ancestors and nothing would make him quite even if it means passing for a hellish training and dragging his teammates along for the ride.

It would be worth it. _Had_ to be worth it.

Good thing that his teammates are equally determined to survive this or they would have gotten themselves into an ugly situation.

No amount of apparently senseless beating in taijutsu lesson stopped Hikaro, he was not even close to his teammates level and so received particular training from Masaru-sensei and ended up in the hospital twice. Emiko had to have the patience of a saint and determination of steel to handle the insults of the man, always looked down by him for being a girl and her training left aside in favor of the boys. Shisui always received the most work and the hardest lessons, his status as a genius viewed by the man as an excuse to push him harder with each day with no care of the stress in the boy.

They got close. It was inevitable actually. They are all compassionate people in their own ways and couldn’t stay out and let the others suffering without helping. Even exhausted Shisui would always help Emiko in giving Hikaro actual taijutsu lessons who would serve him as a medic rather than a fighter so the boy would use his little training to heal then and would always have pills to help with the exhaustion. Emiko helped him create a functional method of study and training scheduled who actually gave him time to sleep and eat like a person and Shisui would bring her books and all the things she needed to study by herself and helped when needed.

It was… Good. Not the best of course but they are growing as ninjas and humans, learning to handle the problems the world would throw in their direction and they are damn good in it.

If Konoha wanted a team of genius then they are going to be the best of the best.

And then at the end of the first month when they arrived to the usual training Masaru-sensei was already there with a smile in his face. The man had never smiled at then before, he never even called then by their names (Hikaro was the useless one, Emiko always “girl” and Shisui the Little Uchiha) but in that day he briefly hugged then and asked apologies for what they had endured with no prior explanation.

That was their test.

It’s was so simple that Shisui couldn’t believe he had missed it. Their sensei was not an asshole or a slave driver after all, he just wanted to see if they would survive the oppression that would fall in their shoulders after the Chunnin Exams, if they could handle the strain of being pushed into a war. Shisui will always be seen as the Uchiha genius, the shinobis in the field are very likely to act hostile to Hikaro especially if he couldn’t defend himself and Emiko… No matter how much they deny kunoichis always suffer more to prove their valor.

They probably should be angry. Probably that wasn’t the best way to prepare them to the world. Probably they shouldn’t forgive Masaru by all the stress and pain. But they did. They are so ecstatic by their resolve actually meaning something that it was actually easy to overlook it and move forward, in the end the three knew that the life of a shinobi wouldn’t be kind.

Maybe they didn’t actually realized the purpose of that hellish month because never before those things are questioned. No one looked at those three kids and thought that maybe they would be crushed by the pressure, that it was too much for kids too young.

(The exercise had another lesson to teach then, one that Masaru never got around to tell the three children because they understood that without needing his help. Masaru is no genius, sure he is a good shinobi with his Bingo Book page and a large bounty but he wasn’t even the best choice to team 9 since he will never understand those kids and their mentalities, will never be able to actually match them for too long, he just know that they will be running circles around him in no time at all, will probably surpass this old Yamanaka before they make Jonnin, their minds working in a frequency only a select few can keep up with, catching his lessons faster than he could expect from kids their age and with eyes that are far too old to faces who still show signals of baby fat.

But Masaru had a genius teammate once and he feels compelled to take this team, to be him and not some snort faced shinobi who thinks himself cleverer than others and who will try to mold those kids into the perfect little tools, who will push and push without giving anything back. Masaru watched it happen once and while people remember Renji as a genius, incomparable in his strategic abilities and flawless lies, able to fly past the ranks in less time that most needed to go finish the Academy, he can’t actually associate that with his former teammate, can’t associate the young man with the big brown eyes with the bright mind he envied for so many years.

Oh no, what Masaru remembers about Renji is the fact that he wore a mask that no one realized was there until it was too late, he remembers that no one knew, no one cared, about how much pressure was being put into the shoulders of a teenager, he remembers that he never saw the cracks, never saw his teammate as a actual human like himself, capable of being overloaded by problems and doubts and fears, he remembers Renji like the 16 years old who commited suicide because he couldn’t deal with the pressure being put on him by Konoha, because he didn’t see that he needed help, because no one stopped a minute to offer it.

Masaru never wants to see a situation similar to Renji’s ever again. Not with his team, not with children so young.)

* * *

 

They had their first kills in the same year when they are only 9 years old, still months away from the Chunnin Exams.

Hikaro was the first and it nearly destroyed him, a simple thief that got too close to the young medic in training and the man they are supposed to protect, the rest of the team found him shaking and crying besides a body with a clear cut straight through the heart. It shattered his heart, made him afraid of blood and unable to use a kunai without having panic attacks, he was always a healer never a killer, one of the few kids who joined the Academy dreaming of saving lives in a hospital and for long and painful months they thought he wouldn’t recover, one between the many lives broken by simple being a shinobi, a kid with a heart too big for his chest, a healer who could not bear the reality of taking a life. But the Chunnin Exams arrived and there was nothing of that in Hikaro gaze when he demanded their participation, his strength was different from theirs but there was iron under his skin too, and he wouldn’t always be stronger than his nightmares but he would always fight against them.

Shisui and Emiko had theirs in the same fight.

His was messy and made in the heat of the moment, a nukenin who by all accounts should be no match for a mere gennin but Shisui was angry, furious toward those men who kidnapped children for awful awful things. The things he saw burned in the back of his mind, his fury and sorrow for those young lives enough to wake his power. The Sharingan is a powerful thing that not many know how to defeat and Shisui was a natural genius with his Kekkei Genkai too. He stabbed with vicious fury until the man was dead and the boy covered in blood, he felt sick afterwards and it took months to him stop seeing blood in his hands. But Shisui was always strong, always steady and for his Village, for his Clan and his team he would kill hundred more, he knew what the shinobi life was like, he wasn’t a bright eyed child who didn’t know that being a shinobi would mean becoming a murder as well.

There was nothing messy or impulsive about Emiko however. Hers was calculated and deliberate with a cold precision that years late would make her feared and earn her ANBU alias a page in the Bingo Book before some of their elders. Shisui never could understand how people would be fouled by Emiko’s appearance, would judge her for being civilian born, not when he saw her move in utter silence and cut the throat of a man with not a moment of hesitation. The leader of a nukenin gang and a terrible man bleeding to death at the feet of a girl no older than ten years, attacked from behind with no chance to defend himself. She held her head high and even after waking of frightening nightmares never regretted her actions, Emiko always was the strong one after all.

They are children of blood and death. Little demons that the enemies still had to start fearing. Children of war, fighting for a peace they don’t know and don’t understand, violence in their blood and blood on their hands.

* * *

 

Team 9 is the only complete team to make chunnin in the exams that year and the youngest ones as well, others from Konoha manage to achieve the new rank as well but most of the looks are focused on them, 2 years younger than their peers but able to go father than them in the individual fights.

Shisui was the winner after beating Suna’s favorite in a fight that didn’t last more than six minutes. Hikaro’s second fight ended in a tie but seeing as he was a medical in training and his opponent a taijutsu expert it was a damn impressive result. Emiko forfeited the chance of a final fight against Shisui with a small amused laugh and choose to fight for the third place, she knew she wouldn’t win against her teammate but to snatch the third place was easier than anyone expected.

They are happy. The kind of happiness that make you turn into a smiling idiot and the whole world seen brighter and better even if only for a few minutes. They had done it, and even better they had done it _together_ , as a team, as a little found family of lonely children who had no one but each other.

They knew their paths are just starting and they are actually excited to see what the future would bring.


	2. Chapter 2

They fight in the war.

Hikaro mostly stays in the village, he has steady hands and the delicate chakra control that makes a difference in a cirurgy, in saving a limb, in building a organ from nothing, in healing a fracture, in taking bone fragments from organs and putting them back where they belong, in saving a chakra path and a career with that, he never panics, never loses his composure or his hope and fights to guarantee a full recovery or at least to guarantee a comfortable life with a determination that is straight up stubbornness and in a more arrogant person could be called a superiority complex or a need to play god, but in a boy who is so young they all recognize it as a childish faith.

But he goes to the front lines in ocasion too, when things get too bloody, when there isn’t time to take anyone back to Konoha for healing and the doctors need to go to the patients instead, when Konoha has no backup to send and soldiers aren’t allowed to die. He builds himself a fame even if only between the medics, the nurses and the ones whose life and career he saved, he is so young, still a child in the eyes of many and in those final months he spends most of his time dragging shinobis back to life in the middle of war.

Shisui doesn’t go to the actual battlefield that much either, he isn’t a frontliner fighter even if he could be one with his ninjutsu skills that surpass by much the average shinobi, but it’s also a fact that his abilities are better suited for stealth and the higher ups are more set on sending him to specific missions, his genjutsus being perfect to give cover to others and he can’t count how many informations it allows Konoha to steal, how many enemy groups are intercepted before they can complete or pass along their plans because they fall into his illusions and walk straight into a trap, how many assassinations happen because he can hide the killers in plain sight, how many lives _he_ takes because barely no one can see past his ilusions, Shisui kills them before most of them realize what’s happening or who is doing it to them.

His fighting abilities and control of the Sharingan also gain more recognition, he builds a fame for himself that spreads until almost every village, every ninja fighting this bloody war heard at least a rumour of the demon child with the blood red eyes and even if he is barely a teenager men thrice his age are afraid of looking into his eyes and he wields those fears against them just like he wields his weapons and jutsus, they are so afraid of the Sharingan that they forget that that isn’t the only way Shisui can ruin them.

Emiko goes to the actual battlefield more than them after making Chunnin, she is good with weapons, with using the training they received in healing to hit the right spots, to kill with a single blow when others would need five, she is small and fast and fights with a easiness that comes from natural talent, seems to know what to do with whatever weapon she has in hands and can handle herself without one too. But that doesn’t last for long either, not when they realize how good she is at being undercover, how easily she could manipulate and lie her way into gaining information and how she could just as easily use pain to get the same result, even good trained shinobis could be fouled by the right amount of wide eyed faked innocence in a girl who looked more like a doll, only 11 years old not yet with the muscles or the body of a adult let alone of a shinobi, even when she couldn’t be the one to execute the mission she was good enough in creating a distraction.

She ends all but joining ANBU in that time, not formally, not on any paper, but there is a white porcelain mask to hide her identity before and after those missions and most of the time she can’t say a word about she did, what she saw others do and the things she heard either from prisoners or allies, luckily a kunoichi knows better than most how to keep a secret.

The people look at them with awe and with fear in equal measure, because yes they are brilliant and it’s good to have them at their side instead of having to fight against them, but they are so _young_ , most of the kids their age are either in the Academy or still gennin’s and it scares people, because it goes against the image they build of children and of a shinobi in equal measure, and they wonder why they turned like that, how then can act in that way. None of them realize that the three of them never had the chance to be kids.

The Uchiha genius taught since childhood to be a shinobi, who never had any other path to follow, was never been allowed to consider being anything else because no one ever told him there was anything else to be, not when you carry that surname, not when there is chance you will wake the Sharingan. A child who was never really protected from the cruelty of the real world, and people overlooked that small fact and assumed that he never had that childish innocence at all when in really he just lost it too early and no one was there to see let alone stop it from happening.

The boy with the soft eyes was born to a traditional ninja family who never gave him a choice either, who could either become a pariah in the eyes of everyone he loved or join a organization who he knew would eventually destroy him. A boy with dreams of healing, of a simple life away from blood and tragedy who never truly considered following his own dream, who always put other’s needs in front of his own and knew exactly the consequences of it to himself, who choose a path that wasn’t his.

The civilian girl who never had anything, just one of the many bastards trust into the hands of a decaying orphanage to be forgotten in the middle of war, denmead not important, a child who never knew the feeling of love, who no one cared about enough to protect from the ugliness of the world, who saw the worst of mankind way before she saw the good of it. A girl who refused to let others set her fate, who did everything to go against it because she knew, even if no one else believed or cared, that she could be so much more

How could they expect them to act like kids when they are the ones who helped strip them from their childhood?

* * *

 

Eventually the war ends.

And for the first time in their lives they don’t know what to do with themselves, don’t know how to function without the pressure of having to fight not only for your own life but for the life of your teammates, of your allies, for the safety of Konoha. They are children of war they don’t know how peace works, what they are supposed to do, how they are supposed to act, they lived in this so called peace for 3 years and they don’t even remember those times.

War, Shisui muses one day staring at names in the cemetery without really seeing them, somehow is easier than this unknow peace, there is no secret about how to act, it’s all instinct, all logical thinking, peace looks harder, uncertain in a way that makes his skin itchy, no shinobi likes to feel lost.

Hikaro and Shisui both like to believe they will able to fit into this world without war, that they will shed everything that clung to them in the battlefield and so will be able to just live in this now peaceful world without the uncertain that plagues their minds, and Emiko indulges them, smiles kindly when they talk about leaving the nightmares and the things they saw behind because she knows it doesn’t work like that. They aren’t soldiers, they are shinobi and for them life itself is a war who never ends, who will keep going on even after they are long dead, but she doesn’t have the heart to break their conviction so she just lets them dream.

And if to prove her opinion before the wounds from the war can even be properly closed the village is the victim of something that is straight out of a horror story, a cruel joke from the gods. The Kyuubi surges from thin air and only Hikaro is in Konoha when it happens, it’s only him who watches first hand the death and destruction that a bijuu can cause and when Shisui and Emiko arrive back from their missions they find a village partially destroyed, many lives lost, many children left alone and the Sandaime Hokage back at his position, it’s like walking into a fever dream or a nightmare and it shakes them to the core, the realization that they aren’t safe anywhere, that they can be attacked by something so cruel in their own village, their own home.

It’s scary to say the last, maybe more scary than the war itself because the war never got that close to Konoha, never really crossed their gates, it was them who went to the battlefield, not the enemy, especially one so powerful, that came to them. Scarier because fighting with another shinobi is manageable, it’s something they can and are used to do, but going against a bijuu? The number of casualties speak for itself about how successful that is for the common shinobi and only the Yondaime was able to stop the beast but he had to give his own life to achieve it and now the beast is being held in a child, in a baby. It’s terrifying to think about what can happen if the seal is broken, if the boy isn’t able to contain the fox in itself.

But again they are children born into and for war, tragedy is easier for them to deal with than peace, and they overcome it before many of their elders.

Eventually as well they all naturally fall into roles that ground them, that give them a purpose. Hikaro of course lands himself as a medic nin, specializing himself into overly complicated cirurgias who demand a perfect chakra control and nerves of steel. Shisui and Emiko join ANBU because of course they do, that’s the natural path for them, for the Uchiha genius that is more times than not the connection between his clan and the village, someone both sides value and like as one of them, and for the civilian orphan who had already all but officially joined them during the war anyway.

ANBU likes genius and that is something every shinobi in the village knows.

Shisui becomes Crow, not really because of his mask who only resembles a generic bird, but because of his summons that are almost a family relic, they belonged to his mother, to his grandfather and to who knows how many more generations before them, and they are more than his summons- They are his allies, a part of himself. They don’t speak to other people, don’t like to use human voices, what gives people the impression that unlike most summons they aren’t able to speak and Shisui let’s them think like that because there is no harm into keeping some things to himself, some cards hidden to be played later. His crows speak directly to his mind, form a bond that allows them to talk without a single work said aloud and Shisui uses them in his most sensitive missions, no one but his teammates and sensei know how he can be so good in knowing what is waiting for him, how he can get informations without actually getting close to his target, and he never answers when others ask, just smiles at them with mischief in his eyes.

At first he thinks ANBU will corrupt him, just like the stories told by old men with weary eyes say, is hyper worried about not letting it affect his way of seeing the world, about not letting it affect his behaviour with those he is close with, doesn’t allow the memories of the things he saw or the things he did to plague him when he’s awake. Shisui is good at compartmentalization, Emiko frowns at him for that, dislikes his way of not-dealing with what he saw, but he pretends he doesn’t see it in her eyes and carries on because that is what allows him to live a actual life and not get sucked into the darkness that is ANBU, he puts everything in a different mental box and for each situation he acts according, Crow is ruthless, he is ANBU in it’s purest form, rarely speaks but has a almost perfect mission record, he is nothing like friendly Shisui who laughs and loves life and making other people happy.

Emiko becomes Fox- She gained the mask during the war, before the bijuu attacked, and when they hand her it and give her the codename she looks at it with a grain of salt and a humorless laugh but with the knowledge that it’s a part of who she is-, and she is the first one to get a Bingo Book page on her ANBU alias, a fact that made her laugh when she discovered. Unlike Shisui who soon enough climbs through the ranks like it’s the easiest thing in the world and less than a year later is already leading his own squad Emiko works better alone, leaves the village less than your average ANBU, works more on intelligence than she does in assassination or surveillance, her knowledgement on human anatomy turns her into a skilled torturer but that isn’t really her thing, she doesn’t like to draw blood to get the informations, can’t see the point on inflicting pain in those who more often than not know nothing but that, the kunoichi sees what most of her peers ignore- Violence isn’t always the answer, pain isn’t always the best path, you don’t have to force someone to tell you things by making them hurt.

She hardly ever lays a finger on them, choosing to use their own minds against them, for her is incredible easy to watch people and recognize what will break them, what will make them give her the information even if they don’t know what they are doing. For some it’s kindness, soft voice and friendly treatment, sometimes is playing mental games, more times than not is playing the part of the dumb little girl and it’s always surprising how many informations they give her because they think she is too dumb to understand. Emiko judges Shisui and his compartmentalizion because she knows he isn’t dealing with shit, is just pushing it away and one day that will not work, it will all burst and break his already bleeding heart, she prefer to accept her own darkness, the immorality of her acts, and not let it rule or destroys who she is.

Masaru-sensei looks at them with barely hidden pride on his eyes and brags to whoever listens to him for more than a minute about his students and how brilliant they are, how they are good people besides being good shinobis. He knew they would surpass him and his skills before they even got taller enough to not have to look up to see his face and unlike a great deal of his peers doesn’t feel a drop of bitterness or envy, he knows how hard those kids worked to get where they are, how many hardships they faced, they are born with a geniality that is not found on your average shinobi of course but they are the ones who turned that geniality into something meaningful.

They still go to missions together every so often because war or not, different paths or not, they are still one of the best teams Konoha has, not only their skills but their ability to work together makes them suited for some type of missions who put pressure and takes a mental toll who usually poses a challenge to teamwork, but they are friends before being teammates and loyalty to each other is on their blood. Besides Shisui and Emiko are know in the village, they can’t just vanish to join ANBU like most of them do so they have to lie through their teeths even to those they interact in the daily and aside from Hikaro, because they don’t keep secrets from each other never did and wouldn’t start, no one outside ANBU knows they have joined it, they suspect of course and deep down most of them know but there are no proof and both of them hide the porcelain masks from people just like the mask hides their identity.

They are still a team, still go to places together and day after day it becomes easier to live in this strange world where there is no war to be fought, they learn how to drop their guards so they aren’t always hyper aware of their surrounding just waiting for a attack, start sleeping more, the nightmares never stop but they stop coming multiple times a night, start to give them nights of interrupted sleep, they form relationships with other shinobis, when they are on the village they go eat together or enjoy a festival, they start to live rather than to just survive.

And right when things are looking good, peaceful and happy, something happens to shatter that feeling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since Naruto's timeline is a actual mess i tried to create something that makes sense given the ages canon give us and it is basically this: -The Second Ninja War ends when Shisui is 3 years old, the Third starts very shortly after when he is 6. I'm going to put the end of that one the same year as Obito's death, so it ends when they are 11 years old and the Kyuubi incident happens the next year. And finally they join ANBU at 13.


	3. Chapter 3

The mission starts wrong.

The Hokage had asked for them personally and he had that annoyed look in his face that told them he wasn’t really pleased and soon it became clear to them why. The mission looked so simple it was a bit offensive to give it to them, one of the sisters in law of the Daimyo had requested Konoha’s help with what could be called a pest control problem, apparently there was some sort of beast going around attacking and killing people who entered or even got close to the woods closer to where she lived and since the route was very used by merchants it was becoming troublesome, even more when all hunters failed to find the animal.

Giving them such a mission was a bit of a overkill to be honest, usually a chunnin team could be sent to deal with that, actually a skilled gennin could very well deal with a wild animal, but the woman was set into getting the finest shinobis to deal with her problem and not wanting to bring a headache and have to play politics when he could just as easily give to her whins the Sandaime called his genius team, counting on them to get this over done quickly so they could all move on and score some points with the royal family in the process.

If only things are actually as simple as that.

It’s Hikaro who sees it first, the first one to realize there is something more to this than a dangerous animals. As soon as they arrive they go examine the bodies so they can know with what kind of animal they would be dealing with, and when the young medic nin saw the wounds his face got pale, and as he examined the bodies further the expression on his face changed to something more urgent and worried what set Shisui and Emiko on edge, and when Hikaro dragged them to a place where they could talk without being heard both are expecting bad news.

“Those wounds are not made by animals” His voice is urgent, a bit shocked as well and his brows are furrowed “They are a product of senseless violence, animals don’t normally attack like that, they have a reason for it they are either trying to defend themselves or to eat and i highly doubt anything like that was the reason for that level of carnage, whoever killed those people just wanted to tear them apart.”

“Are you….” Shisui pauses, brain working furiously as the words and their meaning sink into his brain and he sucks a breath “Are you telling us that another human being did that?”

“Exactly, using nothing but their teeths and their nails may i add. And i doubt it was only one attacker as well, some wounds are deeper, some are very shallow indicating variating levels of strength, and the bite marks are of varying sizes as well, there is no way all of them are attacked by the same person.”

“So we have a group of people hunting civils and brutally murdering them into the woods and making it look like a animal attacks instead of a actual animal attacks, talk about wrong intel” Emiko murmurs more to herself with a amused glint in her eyes but both boys snort as well when they realize they got themselves into a mess they truly aren’t expecting “But that explains why the hunters are coming back empty handed, they are looking for animal tracks that aren’t there, the tracks of the killers must have been confused with those from the victims.”

“So, who wants to make a trip to the woods?” Shisui asks and smiles like he is proposing going for a dinner and his teammates sigh but follow him when he starts walking

They find the killers quicker than they could have expected, it helps that they know what they are looking for and the fact that clearly they didn’t think about covering their tracks at all is a pleasant surprise. For trained shinobis following the blood trails and broken grass that indicates movement is child’s play but there isn’t anything easy about what they find, what was already unusual reaches a whole new level.

Like Hikaro imagined it’s actually a group of four people, two men, one woman and a girl who couldn’t be older than them, but they barely look human. They are, to put it simple, absolutely feral, using rags that once used to be good clothes, the woman is using a gold ring and one of the men has a golden chain around his neck that can only indicate wealth but those are the only things that indicate they aren’t born and raised into this state of wilderness, they are just _drenched_ in blood from head to toe, especially around their mouths and fingernails, barefooted and full of injuries themselves, and not just injuries you get from murdering people or running around the woods either, there are clear marks in their wrists and ankles that indicated they are restrained for quite a while and bruises who had already started to fadel still litter their bodies, their eyes are probably the worst part because there is such a mindless gleam in it, like those people don’t know what they are doing or even who they are.

When Shisui approaches them, looking as harmless as he could, and tries to ask questions and get them to talk the only sounds that leaves their mouths are grunts and a barely human scream as they lungs to him, mouths open and fingers ready to scratch. Knocking them out is easier than finding them, they are strong and fast but there wasn’t any logic behind the blows, they went after them just trying to injure and draw blood.

“There is something deeply wrong here” It’s Emiko who breaks the silence, all of them watching the now unconscious bodies “Look at their clothes, look at their faces behind the dirty and the blood, those are people of wealth, people who had been eating and taking care of themselves before going into the woods to kill people, i wouldn’t be surprised if they are among the merchants who went missing.”

“And the way they are behaving isn’t natural either, they don’t seem aware of anything, i would dare to say that they don’t know who they are or why they are doing this, this isn’t a conscious action, isn’t a group of cold blooded murders” Shisui is replaying the moment he stepped out the shadows to try to talk to them, the way they looked at him with blankness as if they couldn’t understand a word he was saying, how they attacked without a reason, just because he was in front of them.

“I can _guarantee_ that there isn’t anything natural about this, this is absolutely a human made thing.” Hikaro informs after dropping to his knees to inspect the group, he lifts the arm of the woman and directs their attention no to the ligature marks but to injection marks that turned her veins a dark color, more visible in her neck, like there is poison running inside her.

They tie the group up and Hikaro stays with them while Emiko and Shisui go explore the woods, trying to see if there is anything there that can help explain what happened to those people or if there are more people like them hiding. Shisui finds blood and more bodies with bite and scratch marks and makes a mental note of where so they can come back later and take them to their families, he can’t help fur realize that there isn’t a pattern to where the bodies are and that they are clearly killed and left there, there is no sign that anyone tried to take them somewhere else and the Uchiha guesses that those people either got lost into the woods and got caught or tried to find cover there and are chased, he highly doubts the group they tracked has any capacity of actually kidnaping someone.

Emiko on the other hand is almost giving up on her search after not finding anything when something catches her eye and she approaches a fallen body expecting another victim, it’s a victim she finds but not in the way she was expecting. It’s a woman with the same black veins and dried blood around the mouth and hands as the others, but Emiko almost think she is dead, since she is just laying motionless on the ground and her condition is less than stellar, the kunoichi can clearly see the bones poking out of the too pale too dry skin, even from a few meters she can count the ribs, two of them clearly broken. Emiko knows what starvation and dehydration look like, never really felt it herself but she has seen it been inflicted on people inside Konoha and has seen it in civilians of war torn villages, it’s far from being something pretty and the woman looks so much as a cadaver that is only when the kunoichi approaches her that she hears the quick shallow breathing.

The woman is not dead but Emiko is sure she wishes she was.

The girl kneels besides the woman and stares at glazed eyes and notes shoulders who shake in pained dry sobs- dehydration does that to you, takes your capacity to produce tears- and sucks another deep breath and regrets it when the smell hits her nose. Even in her weakened state, absolutely out of her mind with whatever is on system combined with thirst and hunger, the woman tries to claw at her but is not able to actually lift her hands.

Emiko shakes her head and does the most human thing she can in this situation before going back to where Hikaro is waiting.

There isn’t anything they can do for those people, they are too dangerous to be let free and they don’t have the first clue about what turned them into that so they can’t even imagine a possible cure, bringing them back to the village is less of a option because it would bring a frenesi they truly don’t need, there is someone turning people into mindless zombies unable to do anything but murder people and the last thing they want is to scare them off before finding who they are or why they are doing that. Hikaro shakes his head, eyes sad and lips pressed so tight they are nothing but a white line, but says nothing when Shisui and Emiko reach for their weapons.

They go back to the village, plaster fake cheerful smiles on their faces and tell everyone that the problem had been taken care off, that the best had been put down and the woods are a safe place again. The people believe them because they have no reason not to and they send people to retrieve the bodies Shisui found lost in there, as far as the sister in law of the Daimyo is concerned it was a easy successful mission and the three shinobi bid their farewell before the night even falls.

Of course going back to Konoha is not an option because there is still danger in those woods, they can’t guarantee that more people wouldn’t be turned into that and they have a duty to finish what they started. They send a message back to Konoha, just warming that the mission took a different turn and they would take more time than expected to go back, and go right back to investigating the situation.

Later Shisui will not be able to actually remember what they did after that. Will not know how they tracked the mad scientists trying to create a serum who would turn normal people into the perfect killers. Will not remember how they found their hidden laboratory, how they managed to enter it. Will not even remember how exactly they discovered what they wanted, how they figured out that people are being kidnaped, injected with the serum and then left in their own when it proved to be a failure.

All of it will be lost because what will stay in his memory like a stain that he will never be able to clean will be the memories that came after he started tearing up the makeshift facility. Because he had seen that Emiko is safe, found her finishing off one of the human experiments because they don’t have time to look for a cure or to risk leaving too many of them alive, but Hikaro isn’t anywhere to be found and there is something ugly twisting in his gut, a sense of dread so strong he can actually taste it.

And when he finds his friend he feels like the air is knocked out his body and disappear from the whole room because he can’t breath, his lungs stop working and his heart probably misses a few beats as well. Hikaro looks up at him and gives him a smile that lacks all joy, it’s a sad tired smile, a bitter little thing that makes Shisui wants to scream and kick the body of the scientist his friend killed.

Killed yes, but not before the man was able to inject the failed version of the serum they had. Shisui can see where the needle found a vein because the veins in the upper side of Hikaro’s right arm are already black, the poison is already spreading and Shisui opens his mouth a desperate idea to save his friend ready to leave his lips, but Hikare beats him to it, stopping him before Shisui can even begin.

“Cutting off my arm is not going to stop it, it is already traveling in my body, it just hasn’t show up in a visible way, i can literally feel it travelling inside me.”

Shisui falls on his knees.

It’s ridiculous, actually pathetic.

Hikaro is the one who has been injected with a serum who will turn him into a mindless barely human thing who will want nothing but to kill and it’s him, the idiot who told them it would be better if they went different sides to cover more ground, that is close to falling apart, there is bile in the back of his throat and he is only able to push it back and get up when he realizes Hikaro is coming close, worry clear in his too expressive face and Shisui is not going to make him worry about his stupid self, is not going to make this about himself when it’s Hikaro who is suffering in a way he will never be able to understand.

But he is still unable to truly face reality and is too much of a coward to explain the situation to Emiko when she finds them, so he lets Hikaro talk, voice soft and eyes sad and that small tired smile that makes his heart hurt because his friends should never ever smile like that, and watches as she sucks a breath and take a step forward like she wants to hug Hikaro but freezes instead, shock visibly in a face that is usually guarded.

None of them know how long they stay like this, frozen as they try to make sense of this situation because that wasn’t supposed to happen, they couldn’t have prepared themselves for this, because this was supposed to be a simple almost too easy mission to track and kill a wild animal, it was supposed to be quick and danger free to the point it would be boring.

And now…

Shisui can’t actually think about what it became without feeling nauseous.

They move in auto pilot after that, they kill all the scientists who somehow are still alive because of course they do, it’s a way to express grief, a way to let go of all they are feeling and to make those men suffer for what they did to so many people, for a shinobi that is almost terapeutic. They kill the people they find in some cells as well because they are too far gone to save when they don’t have a cure or any place to actually keep them until they do, and if they hesitate, if they have to suck a breath when the light leaves glazed eyes, if it makes something twist inside them then it’s a human reaction that they can’t be blamed for.

“You guys need to kill me” Hikaro breaks the silence when they leave the hideout and as he watches Shisui set it in fire after Emiko had taken all relevant paperwork out of it “Before i become one of those things.”

“No” The other two almost scream but only Shisui continues shaking his head like the idea is stupid “No, no, no it has to be a cure, there has to be a way to fix this we just have… we just have to look into it in those papers, there has to be something, right? It has to”

Hikaro shakes his head as well as if Shisui is the one who is out of his mind and looks at Emiko who keeps quiet but she has that look, the one that says that she doesn’t actually believe something will work but will do it anyway because she isn’t willing to give up. The medic nin sighs deeply and there is something so sad and fond in his eyes that make the other two choke on air and before he can blink Hikaro finds himself being hugged by his two friends and allows himself to finally falter, to lean on them and let his tears flow because he is _scared_ , he is so frightened because he always knew he would die, always knew that the shinobi life would led him to a early and cruel end, but now that that final is inevitable- no matter what his beloved stubborn wonderful teammates seem to think- he realizes he doesn’t want to go, is not ready to leave them, not ready to face the unknown.

He always knew he would die but it doesn’t mean he wants to, but Hikaro also knows that he will take death over becoming like those people any day and that is the cruelest thing of it all- He doesn’t want to die but that is exactly what he will choose.

They stay like that until there are no more tears to fall and after making sure the fire destroyed everything in that cursed place they start heading back to Konoha, but the progress they make is slow and soon enough it becomes painful because what would be a four day travel back home is clearly going to be at least two days longer if they are being delusional about it, the progress starts fine but after a few hours it becomes obvious that the serum acts fast, faster than they expected even, and Hikaro is becoming weaker and weaker by the hour, his strength being drained by his own body.

It breaks Shisui’s and Emiko’s heart because deep down they know that there is nothing Konoha can do for Hikaro, that there isn’t a cure because as much as they think of that liquid as a terrible poison it was never imagined as such and the scientists never bothered to make a cure or do research about it, it was not meant to be something reversible.

Shisui thinks that someone is slowly and cruelly craving his heart right out of his chest, because he can’t imagine anything so painful as watching his friend, his brother in everything but blood, deteriorate without being able to do anything to help him, see the strength and the sanity leaving him while his veins become black, Hikaro soon enough becomes incapable of using chakra or supporting his own weight for too long, just the act of standing up without help enough to drain him, a high fever comes not much after that.

He has a seizure in the second night and when it ends he tries to attack his teammates, eyes unfocused and mind lost somewhere else, deaf and blind to the reality surrounding him and it is only stopped when he manages to scratch Shisui’s cheekbone, the feeling of blood snapping him back. He breaks into tears and sobs after realizing what he was doing, shocking apologies with such a broken voice it made the other two cry as well

They stop at the end of the third day, still painfully distant from Konoha, and the air is heavy with tension, with fear but also the bitter taste of what they know is going to happen. Emiko gets up to look for fresh water and leaves the two boys alone after lightly kissing their foreheads, a gesture she hasn’t done since the war ended, and whispering something in Hikaro’s ear that makes him smile, her hands holding his in a grip that is almost painful and Shisui can read his lips when he whispers a “i love you too” back to her.

Later Shisui will wonder if Emiko knew, if some part of her was aware of what would happen after she left.

She hasn’t been gone for more than five minutes when Shisui feels Hikaro’s hand grasp his, his teammate is lying on the grass, his head on Shisui’s lap while the Uchiha pushes his hair away from the feverish skin doing his best to keep the tears inside his body, refusing to break down but when he squeezes the weak hand back and looks at his friend he feels them threatening to escape once more.

“Shisui” Hikaro stops, licks his dry lips, and locks their eyes, face sad but determined  “You have to kill me, please,  _ please  _ you have to do it. Before i lose myself, before what happened last night happens again and i actually hurt one of you, before this thing destroys my mind, you have to kill me before any of that happens.”

Shisui chokes on nothing, grips the hand holding his in a way he vaguely knows must be painful and opens his mouth to protest, to say things he doesn’t actually believe in but still refuses to let go off because it’s too painful otherwise, but nothing comes out because the look on Hikaro’s eyes stoles his air and his next words finally make the tears start rolling.

“Please Shisui i want to die as myself, i would do it myself, should have done it myself before it came to this, but i was scared, i’m still scared, i can’t do it with my own hands, i’m not strong enough, but… But i don’t want to die as one of those things, i want to be myself. So please, please Shisui, help me die.”

“Okay” That’s all he manages to shock out, the words getting stuck on the lump that is forming not only in his throat but on his chest as well, compressing his lungs until he is not sure he is actually breathing

But Hikaro smiles at him, a tired smile but bright and comforting and, worst of all, grateful, the hand who is not grasped with Shisui’s own finding his face and wiping the tears that don’t stop falling, his own eyes are full of tears but also lighter somehow, eyes Shisui has seen so many times before in the battlefield, in missions, in the eyes of those he killed- The eyes of someone who accepted that death is coming.

“I love you, never ever forget it, i love you and i love Emiko and i love sensei and i’m so grateful for all of you, i’m so happy that fate brought us together, i wouldn’t change a single thing of our time together” It hurts to talk, Hikaro is losing strength fast but he forces the words out anyway because he needs to say them and he is sure that Shisui needs to hear them as well “I love you, i couldn’t ever have asked or dreamed of a better teammate.”

“I love you too” The Uchiha whispers dropping his head in a uncomfortable angle so he can rest it in Hikaro’s hair, tears still falling “You are also the best teammate i could ever have asked for and i’m so grateful for everything you did for me, for all the times you saved and i’m so sorry, i’m so sorry i can’t save you, i’m sorry”

“There is nothing to be sorry for, this isn’t your fault, do you hear me Shisui? Nothing is your fault, you did everything you could and i know it. I love you, there is nothing to forgive.”

But his everything wasn’t enough and his hands are shaking when he picks one of his kunais, Hikaro smiles at him, encouraging and grateful and Shisui forces himself to keep his eyes open and focused on his face even as he brings the kunai down in his best friend’s heart feeling the hot blood cover his hands almost in the same instant and it takes seconds until Hikaro’s chest stop moving, his heart slowing down until it stops and he closes his eyes for one last time, expression relaxed and peaceful while Shisui falls apart.


	4. Chapter 4

He knows he is having a panic attack, his breathing shallow and too quick, not enough air reaching his lungs while his hands tremble still holding the kunai inside his friends body, his whole body soon enough following the example until he is shaking from head to toe, his vision blurring and he is afraid he will pass out because the lack of air and sheer panic is making him dizzy, bile rising in the back of this throat, tears falling like they never did before.

He killed Hikaro.

He killed his best friend.

Drove a kunai into his heart.

Felt as life left his body and did nothing to stop it.

Did nothing to stop things from reaching this point.

Did nothing to save his friend from this fate.

He killed Hikaro.

The words keep spinning around his head like a mantra that only makes the panic attack worse, the feeling of blood in his hands suddenly too much to handle but he can’t force his fingers to let go, doesn’t have enough control of his body to do nothing but stay there crying and fighting to breathe and failing miserably.

He murdered his best friend in cold blood.

He is murder.

A friend killer.

He remembers with a sudden burst of hysterical laugh that he can’t claim this title, that Kakashi is already the Friend Killer, that the villagers and even the shinobi whisper it to each other when he passes them, that the name is a stain that makes the newbies afraid of going in missions with him, he think it’s hilarious that he is one now too, he who never batted an eye at the hurtful nickname unlike Emiko and unlike Hikaro who would scold people because he was just that much of a good person. A good person who Shisui murdered in cold blood, something so much worse than what Kakashi did. He wonders, in the deeps of his panic, if they can share the title, if they can bound around the experience of taking the life of their teammates instead of having their backs like they should, they could make it work he thinks while choking in his laugh.

Shisui doesn’t know how long it takes for Emiko to come back and he doesn’t realize she is there until she is literally kneeled in front of him and he notes with another shot of bone deep panic that he forgot about her, forgot that she would come back and find him there, would see first hand what he did to Hikaro.

He keeps his head low and wait. Wait for pain and judgment and hurtful words because that’s what he deserves, what he wants because he is a monster, the worst scum to wander this earth and if there is one person who has all the right to judge and hate him is Emiko.

He feels another hysterical laugh building and has to swallow it down, he killed one of his best friends and now he is about to lose the other one, will drive her away because how could anything else come from it? But he can do it. He can hear whatever truths his teammate tells him, can bear the hate and disgust in her baby blue eyes, can support the physical blows and anything else she seen fit to use to punish him.

Shisui killed Hikaro. Killed one of his best friends in cold blood. And Emiko was a friend of his too, loved Hikaro as much as Shisui and he deserves what is coming, if anyone has any right to hate him it’s her.

He doesn’t realize he stop breathing until he feels her hands in his face, gently, so impossible gently like Shisui is something fragile that is about to break, trying to make him look at her but he refuses, is not ready to see what is on her face and she lets him, and her voice, calm but with a hidden hint of panic that he can’t help but notice, begs him to breath, to copy her, to focus on her hands, on how they feel in his face.

And slowly, so painfully slowly, she coachs him out of the panic attack, brings him back from the deep of his mind and the air starts to enter his lungs and the dizziness almost disappears but the pain and the tears stay and Shisui is afraid they will never go away, that he will feel this void for the rest of his life.

“I killed him” He admits in a whisper, choking on the truth, forcing himself to say it aloud makes it more real “I killed him, drove a kunai right thought his hearth. He smiled, he thanked me, he trusted me and I killed him. I killed Hikaro”

“Okay” She whispers and he wants to laugh, to say that there isn’t anything okay in any of this, that she should be screaming at him, hitting him, looking him with disgust because he killed their friend,  _ killed him _ “Shisui i need you to look at me and listen carefully because this is important, he asked you to do it didn’t he? He wanted it to happen, he was in pain, he was suffering and we couldn’t do anything to help him, we couldn’t save him, so you did what he wanted, you did what you had to do, you let him go quickly and painless, you didn’t let him turn into a monster.”

He lets the words washes over him but don’t believe them, can’t see it the way she does, can’t accept that he isn’t to blame because he puts everything on his own shoulders, has done it since he was a small chil, but at the same Shisui is selfish and a filthy liar and he realizes that if she had actually rejected him, had called him a murderer, he would have broken beyond repair, to have Emiko there touching him and understanding things in a way he is in no shape of doing is grounding, he doesn’t know how she is doing it, using logic in this situation but is beyond thankful for it. 

And finally he manages to raise his head and look at her.

Emiko gasps, her hands leaving his face to cover her own mouth and Shisui is confused, hurt in a way, but then he realizes that there is blood in her hands and that doesn’t make sense because she only touched his face and his face is clear of the blood who taints his hands.

“Your eyes....” She stops, takes a deep breath when her voice breaks “You are crying  _ blood  _ Shisui and your eyes… I think you awoke the Mangekyou Sharingan.”

He sucks a breath even if he should have expected it. Every Uchiha knows about the Mangekyou, about how much more powerful the Sharingan can be, but the last one to have achieved those eyes died when Tobirama Senju was still the Hokage and it became a bit of a myth between them, a story to tell the kids, mostly because the knowledge about what is necessary to awaken the Mangekyou got lost in some point of their history. Or at least that is what most of the Clan know, Shisu’s family knows better than it, Uchiha Kagami left detailed studies about the Sharingan, most of them made with the help of the Nidaime himself, and of course about the price one had to pay to achieve the Mangekyou. Never in his life Shisui had considered the possibility of achieving it, but he liked to talk about it.

Both his teammates and sensei know as much about the Sharingan as him because Shisui likes to talk about it, like to ask for their helps to improve his fighting, to think about new ways 

he can use his kekkei genkai and he likes to talk about how wonderful it is, how powerful it can become and how most of them will never tap into the true strength of it, and he wonders if he ever said what is necessary to wake the Mangekyou, what the price for that power is, wonders if Hikaro knew, if somehow he asked that of him and not Emiko because of it, because he knew that Shisui was curious about the Mangekyou, was so eager to reach the maximum of his abilities.

Somehow it makes him feel worse, like the worst human being to ever step on this planet, a friend killer, a monster who took a life and gained something as a result. Between having his friend alive and his kekkei genkai Shisui would rip his eyeballs out without hesitation.

He feels himself drifting, the panic attack having drained everything from him both physically as emotionally so he lets Emiko takes control, let’s her gently takes his hands away from the kunai and is only then, when she is holding his blood stained hands that Shisui realizes that while her eyes are dry her hands are shaking.

He stares at her hands and swallows hard, the lump growing inside him.

Shisui wishes she was crying, he really does, because he saw her cry before, knows what to do to help her, knows how to handle the things that bring tears to her eyes. But shaking hands? That is not something he is ready to deal with, not something he knows how to deal with because he never saw it, in the almost 10 years that they have know each other nothing made Emiko’s hands shake before, even in the middle of the war, in the most gruesome of scenarios her hands are steady and he never realized how much it calmed him until this moment.

He feels the guilt like a weight in his whole body, something alive and angry who claws at his chest because not only he took the life of one of the most important people in his life he hurt the other one more deeply than the war they fought in. And it kills him, kills him to see her move and take care of him while her hands shake because Shisui wants to comfort her, wants to make the shaking stop but he can’t, he can’t bring himself to do it because his mind is stuck in a endless loop of pain and guilt.

Emiko takes a deep breath, still holding Shisui’s hands, and closes her eyes to keep the tears from leaving. There is a pain in her chest that is unlikely anything she ever felt and there is panic inside her too because this team? Those people? They are everything she has, they are the only family she ever had and everything about what is happening destroys her and make her wonder if they will ever recover.

But she can’t break down. 

Because Shisui is clearly falling apart, is clearly blaming himself and jumping in a pit of self hatred and punishment and he doesn’t need to worry even more about her. There are things that need to be done and her friend is not in any shape of taking care of himself let alone of them, she needs to keep it together until they reach Konoha, until they have explained everything that happened.

And it hits her that they can’t tell the truth.

Because if people hear about what happened, about how it was Shisui who held that kunai, it was him who drove it into flesh, he will never have peace again, people will stare and they will judge and they will doubt and she knows him, knows how deeply it will cut, how it will eventually destroy him, turn him into the emotionless ANBU he always fears becoming, because Shisui is loyal, in a way most people her included will never understand and he will keep on serving the village even if they hate him, even if it destroys every part of his soul. And Emiko is not ready to lose both of them, will never be able to feel the loneliness she grew up fighting against again, so she is already planning, calculating what she will need to say so that Shisui agrees with her.

But first things, first. She gaters chakra and uses it to transform the humidity of the air into water that rains down in their joined hands cleaning the blood-  _ Hikaro’s blood  _ her mind whispers,  _ your friend’s blood _ -, and it’s only when Shisui’s hands are completely clean that she ends the small rain and drops it watching with growing worry as he just allows them to fall into the ground, eyes glazed staring into nothing.

“Shisui” She can’t make her voice go above a whisper but it’s enough to make him blink “Shisui i need you to go to that river we passed and clean yourself and change into clear clothes, can you do it for me?”

“I can’t…. i can’t leave him alone i can’t i can’t i have to stay with him i have to, his body, we need to get it back to Konoha, i can’t leave him here” His voice has a hysterical note to it and he starts to get agitated but she stops the panic attack before it can even begins, putting her hands into his face 

“I know, you will not leave him alone, i’m here you forgot? But we can’t carry his body back to Konoha like this, i will get him ready okay? You can go i will stay with him”

Emiko almost fears he wouldn’t do as she asked but after a few minutes he nods and gets up slowly, taking Hikaro’s head out of his lap and putting it into the floor with inmensurable gentleness. She stays kneeled besides the body, her trembling hands barely touching a colding arm, and watches until Shisui disappears into the woods moving like he has to drag his body, like the whole world is resting on his shoulders, she waits a little longer until she is sure he is far enough to not be able to see anything before doing anything else.

She takes a deep breath and takes the kunai out of the body of her friend, knows logically that it was a quick death, that he must have barely felt it, but it doesn’t stop her body from reacting and a few tears scape before she can blink them away, she leaves the kunai somewhere in the grass making a mental note of cleaning it so she can give it to Hikaro’s parents later- A old shinobi tradition that she never really understood but knows that his family values. Hikaro’s hands are clean of blood and if they are going to sell the idea that he committed suicide that isn’t going to work and between making his hands bloody and cleaning the one from his chest she chooses the latter, Hikaro wasn’t ANBU so there is no problem in taking his body back to Konoha- Even if he was she doesn’t think she or Shisui would have the courage necessary to burn the body anyway- and it’s not unusual for teammates to clean up the body so the family doesn’t have to see them as they died.

Cleaning the body was almost a out of body experience where her mind just tried to block all the facts, tried to forget that the body belong to her friend, that Shisui is hopefully in the river close by cleaning the blood out of himself because he was the one to kill him, she just moved, created another small fake rain, took off Hikaro’s ruined shirt and used the parts without blood to clean the wound until there was no blood in the still chest.

Every ANBU operative carries a scroll to store bodies in case they have to bring some back to Konoha for some reason, it’s not pretty and it speaks a lot about what kind of thing they do sometimes but it is a good thing to have in hand more times than not. Shisui used his to put the bodies of the human experiments and she wouldn’t ask it of him anyway so she just picks hers and moves mechanically, like this is a ANBU mission and the body she is putting in the seal as if it is a _ thing _ , a weapon she has to put somewhere else, isn’t Hikaro’s. 

It doesn’t work and she throws up as soon as she is done, the image of the scroll besides the kunai burning itself in her brain.

But she can’t get sad, can’t break down because she still needs to clean the kunai, make sure Shisui eats something and find a way to make him agree to basically committee treason by lying about what happened with Hikaro, there will be time for tears later, preferentially after they arrive in Konoha and get pass all the questions and explanations.

Shisui takes ages to come back and Emiko is almost going to look for him when he finally appears in clean clothes, all traces of blood gone even if his hands look a bit raw like he scrubbed them with rocks and it hurts her because there is nothing she can say to make it better, she doesn’t know what to say to make him feel better. She never really regretted the lives she took, can’t possibly understand what Shisui is going through.

Unsurprisingly he doesn’t want to eat the ration, courtesy of the ANBU life, but that is something she knows how to deal with and it’s painfully easy to convince him to eat because if he pases out from lack of food she wouldn’t have enough strength to carry him all the way back to Konoha alone. 

And then comes the hard part.

“Shisui… We can’t… We can’t tell the truth about this okay? About how Hikaro…” She curses mentally when her voice breaks again the word getting stuck in her throat until she forces herself to say aloud “About how Hikaro died, about you awakening the Mangekyou, we can’t tell anyone you understand me? We are going to say that i went to look for water and you stayed with him but you got distracted by some approaching animal and went to check and when you came back he had… he had taken a kunai and killed himself, you couldn’t do anything to save him and just held him while he died. That’s the story okay?”

Dark eyes, thank fuck for small mercies the last thing they need is he unable to turn his kekkei genkai off, stare at her like she just spoke in some language he had never heard and his brain couldn’t really understand so Emiko is ready when he frowns and his eyes get that wild air to them.

“No, no no no, no, i can’t lie i can’t pretend i didn’t do anything wrong, i can’t just run away from the consequences of my actions, i did this and i have to pay for it i have to...” His speech is quick and she struggles a bit to understand the words said mostly without any pause “I own him it, i own his… his family it Emiko, they deserve the truth they deserve to know what i did, they deserve closure, they....”

“And Hikaro deserves to have his name in the Memorial Stone”

She is playing dirty and she is fully aware of it but Emiko knows Shisui, big bleeding heart Shisui who thinks he has to carry the weight of the world in his shoulders, who thinks everything is somehow his fault and is always so stupidly, selfishly ready to take the fall when others would do everything in their power to find a loophole, Shisui is the image of self sacrifice and she  _ hates _ it, hates it about him with a burning passion because he has no self preservation, would give his life away in a heartbeat and it isn’t fair, because people expect him to lay his life as if he is just a tool, just a thing to be used and Shisui is so painfully ready to be it at all moments. He would never accept lying about what happened with Hikaro, he would tell the truth laced with his guilt and let everyone think he killed his teammate in cold blood, would accept the judgement and the stares and everything else and pushes forward seeking a redemption he never needed in the first place, but he would also do everything to make sure Hikaro receives the hero burial and homenages he deserves.

She sees the moment where her words sink into him because he takes a deep ragged breath, eyes going wide with understanding and she allows herself to relax a bit because if he gets to the same conclusion as her by himself things will be easier.

“He deserves it” He agrees “But they aren’t going to give it to him if...”

“If you say you are the one who killed him” She finishes the sentence and takes his hands between hers mentally cursing when that fucking trembling makes him flinch in guilt “They will think he allowed himself to be consumed by the serum, if you say he asked to be… to be killed… that you are just lying to protect him, that if he really had wanted to die as a shinobi he would have done it himself.”

It is stupid. So so cruelly deeply stupid that makes her feel uncomfortable just saying it aloud, but that is how their village is being operating ever since they are children, it’s a war mentality that they never left behind, the idea that it’s better to die for your own hand rather than to let the enemy capture you, better than becoming a problem to your teammates and village, that those who had to be “put down”- And isn’t that the worst term in the history- by others are worthy of the Memorial Stone because he put the secrets and safety of the village in danger by becoming a liability. Not all those who die by suicide get their names there, it depend much on the circumstances but in this one? If they say the truth not only it will destroy Shisui it will take away any chance for Hikaro’s name to be put among the fallen heroes.

“Lying to everyone includes lying to the Hokage and withholding information about my skills not only from him but from my Clan Head, it means we will commit treason in at least three different levels”

“Well let’s make sure we don’t get caught them, i think we can pull it off.” 

She gives him a small tired smile who looks more sad than anything but Shisui nods while trying to smile back, he fails but it’s something, and she knows this is a argument she won, he would never risk tainting Hikaro’s memory like that and a weight leaves her shoulders not only because her friend will get the honours he deserves but because Shisui will be spared from the heat of this.

Everything that comes after… Well they are pretty good in dealing with less than estelar situations, Emiko is sure they can handle it.


	5. Chapter 5

Arriving in Konoha is probably one the hardest things Shisui ever had to do in his life, there is a weight inside him, guilt threats to choke the air out of his lungs no matter what Emiko says, how much she tries to explain the difference between cold blooded murder and what he did. The logical part of his mind understand it of course, knows she is right, but the logical side is not the one in control, his emotional is and so the guilt and the feeling of blood in his hands is a present reminder of what he done, as good as he is with dealing with his emotions this is so far off the norm he is completely unprepared to deal with it.

They do what they have to do in this type of circumstance, what every other shinobi would, follow protocol by going to talk with Shikaku-san first because they went to this mission as jonins and he is their superior, explain what happened and inform of the death of Hikaro, talk about the mission and hand over everything they took from the lab so it can be analyzed and either stored or destroyed, they also hand over Hikaro’s body so the preparations for the funeral can begin, force the lies out of their lips with a easiness that comes with experience with ANBU and Shikaku-san nods with sympathy for their loss.

They have to explain it again to the Hokage, not necessarily because of the loss of their teammate but because of the human experiments being conducted and the possible ramifications of such a thing. The Sandaime doesn’t asks in deep about what happened to Hikaro and Shisui is so grateful it’s hard to keep it out of his face and body language.

He just wants to get over with all of this so he can allow himself to express his grief and pain away from everyone else.

When Sarutobi-sama asks if they would prefer to break the news to Hikaro’s family themselves or have someone else do it Shisui feel the air escape his lungs once more because he hadn't considered it, had not realized he would have to face the family of the friend he murdered and lie  to their faces. But before he can panic, can show that there is something more wrong in all of this, Emiko holds his hands, give one of her small sad smiles and says she will talk with his parents and Shisui is going to break the news to their sensei.

He is so grateful it’s embarrassing.

Facing Masaru-sensei isn’t hard, he knows the man, knows that he will have the same reaction as Emiko, maybe even more forceful about his lack of guilt because his sensei is a man used to war and war has it’s on rules about morality and what can be called mercy. It is not hard to face his sensei but it’s painful nonetheless because the man is not exactly kind, isn’t warm and always ready to smile- Hikaro used to joke that Masaru-sensei could smile only once every six months, they had a competition about who could break his serious mask-, but he cares about them and the idea of telling a man who lost so much, that has no direct family, who is not even close to his clan, that one of his students is gone, that he, the other one, was responsible for it, is soul crushing.

It doesn’t even occur to him the idea of lying.

He can’t lie, wouldn’t lie, to a man who gave so much, who helped set him in the path he is walking right now and was always a comforting presence no matter the circumstances. His sensei deserves better than some half assed lie.

Shisui breaks down before he can really finish telling the man the story, breaks down in sobs right before saying out loud once more that he was the one who drove a kunai into his best friend’s chest but he doesn’t have to do it anyway, Masaru-sensei is a weary man not really old of age but of experience, and he could read the ending, could understand what happened without Shisui confessing. And just like the Uchiha expected there was no judgement, no hatred, no disgust, nothing but quiet and steady support.

No words because that isn't his sensei's style, just a forceful “It wasn't your fault” said in the quietest voice possible. A warm heavy hand on his shaking shoulders that grounded him.

A kid's shoulder Masaru thinks and his grip get a little tighter because it's easy to forget that Shisui is only 15 years old. Is only a boy who finally lost all the baby fat that made his face look childish just to gain awkward long limbs instead, the little Uchiha is graceful, the shinobi life taught him that, but that doesn't mean he isn't plagued by the downfalls of growing up.

It hurts Masaru that he will never see Hikaro outgrown this awkward stage of long limbs and acne. His student, that kind genius boy who only wanted to heal, to fix people be it with chakra or his words and actions, will not even reach 15 years old age.

And off all things he saw, that he did or that happened to him in all his years this is probably the worst of them all.

“Where's Emiko?” Masaru asks after half a hour, after Shisui's tears dry and the boy is almost curled in his couch with a mug of hot fresh tea

“She went to talk to his family”

The blonde man nods, uneasiness in his chest because it feels wrong to put that responsibility on her shoulders. He was -Is? Are they ever going to stop being his students?- their teacher, a part of him still feels responsible for them and as illogical as it sounds that part is screaming that should be him to break the news, to handle the fall out even if he doesn't even know what exactly happened in that mission.

Is ridiculous, he scolds himself, both of them are hardened shinobis, fought in a war and are part of the ANBU, they are not kids he has to shield from the world, they never were.

It doesn’t stop him from letting a relieved breath when she shows up on his door, eyes glistening with unshed tears but otherwise unharmed, doesn’t stop him from opening his arms and letting her cling to him and muffle her sobs into his chest. She is 15 years old, too young to carry this pain by herself, they both are.

In the end Masaru ends up sitting between them, not hugging but definitely something close to it, while Shisui stares at a wall and Emiko lets out tears he feels like she has been holding for quite a while, he keeps a hand in each of them not only for their sake but for his as well.

He doesn’t cry, had that instinct kicked out of him by war and death and too much tragedy and the need to crush his emotions just to survive, but his heart is just as shattered as theirs, is feeling the loss just as much, just as deeply and he curses everything in this cruel world who makes murderers out of children just to lead them to a early grave.

It is not fair. Was never fair and even if Masaru is a loyal shinobi he always knew it is not right, it was the reason he never wanted children, never wanted to bring a child to this world just to have it strip them of their innocence while he watched and contributed to it, he couldn’t bear to watch a child of his own suffer from the same hardships he faced and put upon so many others.

He never counted on loving those three genius misfits as he imagines a father loves his children.

(Masaru is not a father but he griefs like one.)

* * *

 

The funeral is a small private ceremony as asked by the family, the sky is grey and lifeless and Shisui think its fitting, Hikaro was always the sun in their little group.

Neither of them cry. Masaru-sensei is stone faced and he has his hands in both of their shoulders in silent support but neither him or Emiko allow themselves to cry. They did much of that already, and even if Shisui is sure that the guilt will cling to him for the rest of his life he also knows that it’s not a burden he will have to carry alone.

Their lie is never discovered and no one looks too deeply into it anyway, they are good liars and more than that people have no reason to suspect foul play from them, thrust, Shisui already knows, is one of the strongest weapons one can hold and this time it works on their favor.

* * *

 

Later Shisui will blame his grief and his pain for not realizing something was wrong earlier. Will realize he spend much of his time outside the District with Emiko and Masaru-sensei because they understood his pain and tried to help him deal with the guilty even if he refused to truly believe in their words, will realize he was not there to see it happening.

But that will come later, much later.

Now Shisui can’t understand how he failed to see the signals, the warmings, the danger being nursed inside his own home, inside his own Clan. He can’t understand how the whispers of revolution and betrayal and civil war didn’t reach his ears earlier.

The sensation is similar to swallowing rocks or so he imagines, a weigh sets itself in his chest and his stomach and refuses to leave, there is a taste of ashes clinging to his mouth and putting him off eating anything at all.

The absurdity and the idiocy of it all making him unable to truly swallow the urge to pinch himself awake of this nightmare.

Shisui is no idiot and he sees where this is coming from, what is fuelling a old fire that was never truly put out, understand this is a reaction to the way Konoha is treating them, a reaction to the stares and the whispers that follow all the Uchihas even since the Kyuubi attack.

Konoha, a Senju village no matter what many try to preach, was never welcoming to the Uchiha lineage, never truly trusting them, always wondering if their loyalty is real, always a little too jealous, a little too wary, a little too quick to judge and condemn. Always too quick to paint them as the villains and believe the half assed rumours.

Shisui, funnily enough, was always spared from any of it, the blood in his veins, Kagami Uchiha's blood the blood of a man who laid his life for the Village and was trusted by Tobirama Senju himself, that get him weird looks in his own Clan guarantees him the loyalty and the trust of Konoha that is so rarely extended to a Uchiha.

They look at him and they see him Grandfather.

For the Uchiha it means a man who choose the Village over his own blood, a foul who trusted a man who looked at them like the enemy.

For Konoha it means a beloved hero, a man they use to inspire their children about how a shinobi should be.

Konoha loves Shisui so he never experienced their prejudice first hand but he sees it clearly as the day, see it even when it's not a conscious act, when it's born from something ingrained in the village's DNA, so deep he thinks it can’t ever be truly removed.

The Uchiha Clan never really stopped being outsiders.

And Shisui gets it, he really does. Understand how painful and humiliating that must be, how that can be turned into bright hot hatred. How the seeds of this revolution are planted and watered by the Village itself.

But Shisui cannot, for the life of him, agree with this or understand how his family is doing exactly what everyone fears they will do. How the Elders and Fukagu-sama can think that turning into the backstabbing monsters they are painted as will do anything but damage their image even more.

And more important- Shisui cannot understand how they can think that bloodshed is the answer to anything.

He saw war. He lived war. He fought war. He was marked by war. He survived war. He is haunted by war.

He can't, simply can't, let another generation experience the same things be did. Can't let his Clan, his family, be the ones to break their hard earned peace.

He can't let more blood be spilt when there are others ways to fix things. Ways that don't traumatize children, that don't hurt the innocent of both sides.

He tries to think about it.

About his family and his friends, fighting each other.

About Masaru-sensei, tired so fucking tired of bloodshed and tragedy even if he never speaks of it, being forced into yet another pointless war.

About Emiko, not a friend but his sister in everything but blood, in her ANBU mask, silent like a shadow slitting the throats of some Elder before guards could realize something was wrong. About her killed by one of his cousins because the Uchiha don't take prisoners and everyone and their mother knows what a treat she is. Imagines losing her so soon after losing Hikaro.

He tries to think about which side he would choose.

Those thoughts make him sick, make bile rise to his throat and his hands to almost shake.

He can't under any circumstance let this war start.

So he goes to the Hokage.


	6. Chapter 6

Sarutobi Hiruzen is many things.

A leader. A shinobi. A soldier. A father, even if not a good one. A killer. A diplomat. A dreamer. A general. A man. A ruler. A believer.

But one of the things he is not is a fool.

He sees and he hears much more than people give him credit, there is a difference between not knowing things and choosing which battles to drop or not even start, with age comes the realization that some things are not just worth his time and effort and are best left alone. Sarutobi knows, even if a big part of him is reluctant and pained to even consider it, that he can’t trust Danzo as far as he can throw him, his old friend is a man of opinions, he doesn’t doubt for a second that Danzo loves Konoha and everything he does he does to protect the village, but he also understand that what Danzo views as necessary or correct are not always the things he or any other person would.

His friend’s biggest flaw was always taking things too literally, he never looked beyond the superficial, and Hiruzen thinks that is why he misunderstand so many of the lessons of their sensei. Tobirama-sensei was a ruthless man that is not negotiable, but there was a logic to it, there was a reason and an objective to his actions, he was never cruel or harsh for the sake of cruelty or harshness, like Danzo their sensei did everything for the sake of the village, even the more morally questionable things, but unlikely Danzo Tobirama knew when enough was enough, when he was taking it too far and he never ever would agree with some of the things Danzo thinks he would.

His sensei’s biggest concern was making sure kids would get a warless childhood, that they would know and preferentially grow with peace, he was underneath all the bravado a big softie when it came to the little ones, he would never look at Danzo’s opinion about what their training should be like and approve.

And neither would he agree with Danzo’s views about the Uchihas.

Because the Clan that Tobirama-sensei knew, the people in power when he was alive were so much different from the ones from now, the times are others, the people are harsher and the distrust came from both sides. His sensei never trusted the Uchihas but the Uchihas never trusted him either, not since Uchiha Izuna took his last breath, a part of them blamed the Senju for Madara’s downfall and it showed in the tense relationship. But Tobirama-sensei didn’t hate the Uchihas for the sake of hate, he distrusted them because he knew they didn’t trust him and knew it could cause problems and some of his actions based on this were wrong and questionable and Sarutobi regrets them to this day but they are not born out of malice.

Kagami is a perfect example of it. It was not like Kagami was a exception, the only Uchiha the Nidaime could tolerate, the one with good sense and morals to turn his back to his evil clan like Danzo seems to believe, the thing about Kagami was that he was willing to take the necessary step to approach Tobirama-sensei, he was willing to look past the “Uchiha killer” label and look at the man who could teach so many things, what made Kagami different from his Clan was the fact that he didn’t shy away, didn’t blind himself to people unlike him and his family.

And that is what Danzo’s can’t understand, can’t grasp the nuances of their sensei as a human being who made wrong choices not out of hate but out of concern and lack of better understanding of normal human interactions, Danzo is a black and white type of person, unable to see the greys, to understand that his way is not the only good one.

Danzo is a good soldier but he would never make a good leader.

The current situation they are facing show it loud and clear to anyone who cares to pay attention.

Uchiha Shisui’s words are still ringing in his ears even months after the boy approached him with certain in his posture but pain and conflict in his eyes. He wish he could say he was surprised to hear about how the Uchihas are planning a civil war, he truly does, but again Hiruzen is neither a fool nor is he blind to what happens in his village, he knew it would take so long until things blew up, until the Village’s treatment of the Clan caused them to act out.

But nothing could have prepared him to hear that Danzo’s idea to solve the situation is to wipe the whole Clan.

“They are a treat” The man says with a sneer, pacing around the Hokage’s office “And they need to be treated and eliminated like one”

“I fail to see how whipping them from existence is the best way to deal with it.” Hiruzen says hands flat on his desk, emotions hidden behind a wall build so many decades ago “The Uchiha Clan is one of the founders of Konoha, their members almost single handedly take care of the Village’s internal security and there are many of them either in ANBU or with the regular shinobi force, to wipe them out would be to weaken our own village.”

“So you rather live with a living, expanding, treat? Soldiers can be replaced Hiruzen you know it, just because we would be down a hundred or so of them doesn’t mean we would be open to attacks.”

“But we would be open from internal problems” He chooses which battle to pick, knows that arguing that lives cannot be replaced, that soldiers are more than tools, that people are more than their usefulness is useless in this situation, Danzo doesn’t care for this sort of thing “What image it would send to the other Clans? They would all be on edge, knowing that if we could destroy the Uchiha we could turn our attention  and weapons a then at any given moment. Can you imagine the chaos? The repercussions in the civilians when we whip out not only the shinobis in the Clan but also the children and the civilians? It would cause panic and distrust in all areas.”

“But who says it needs to be linked to us? Who says Hiruzen that we have to tell people it was a attack that came from within Konoha?” Danzo stops then, eyes calculating and cold and Hiruzen realizes with dread polling in his stomach that his old friend actually has everything planned, that he knows exactly how to put his plan in action

“Who would be the scapegoat then? Who would be able to whip out a whole Clan by themself so the story is believable?” He tries to think about who Danzo would sacrifice, because whoever does it will never have a place in the Village again, in the kindest scenario they would be forced to flee and live as a nukenin and in the most realistic one they would have to be murdered so to tie all everything, to give closure to a tragedy and let it set in history as a finished solved thing

“Uchiha Shisui” The other man rolls his eyes as he says it, like the answer is obvious and he is a idiot for not seeing it “He is powerful enough for it, not only for it be be believable but to actually do it with little to no assistance”

Hiruzen stares at Danzo and wonders how a man can be so brilliant and so unaware of things at the same time. In a way his thinking makes sense, Shisui got the skill to do such a thing and since he was the one to come to him about the coup there is probably enough loyalty in him to be persuaded to accept such a mission, the boy has been keeping him updated on what is happening and that is why Hiruzen knows that the situation is scaling, from whispers and plans to actual recruitment, Shisui approached him last week with tight pressed lips to inform that the Elders are asking questions, recruiting those who agree with a coup and that he is afraid that it wouldn’t be long until they start to actually plan the attack. Shisui is probably loyal enough to understand such an order and to execute it for the good of the village.

But Shisui is in a long list of people the less likely to do such a thing. If he accepted it would raise not only eyebrows but questions from those who know Shisui, the boy is popular and sociable and has a close relationship with his teammate and former sensei both of them would not believe he simply snapped and went on a murder spree or something similar, Hiruzen makes a habit to know about every shinobi serving in ANBU and for that he knows that while Fox is one of the brightest talents she is not one to accept orders and answer as they come, Hiruzen doesn’t know how that fact will play out in such a scenario.

Danzo as always fails to understand the human factor, to see that Shisui has roots with both Clan and Village and his actions would never be seen as normal, that people would question and it would leave a trail leading straight to them.

“It would not work” He says blunty, not bothering to explain things Danzo will scoff at as weakness

“Why?” Danzo asks and Hiruzen just smiles at him, small tired and a tad condescendent what makes his former teammate scoff at him before continuing “Then ask the other genius, Itachi is not only a good soldier he is discreet and probably more skilled than his cousin.”

“He is not even 13 years old yet.”

“Even easy to tell the tale of a perturbed youth who tried to acquire power through murder, he is young enough that people will believe he thought it was the way to go.”

Sarutobi says nothing because now Danzo has nailed it. Itachi unlike his cousin is a reserved silent boy, while Shisui’s presence fills the room and is impossible to ignore unless he wants so Itachi is a shadow, seeing and hearing everything but hardly being seen or heard himself, if they tell him to start given small clues about a breakdown in a while he could be the perfect scapegoat.

“I will think about it” The Hokage says and Danzo stares at him for long seconds before leaving without a word, without a doubt thinking how weak he must be

Because Itachi is not even 13 years old. He is nothing but a child even if his hands are drenched in blood and his eyes have seen death, still has baby fat in his face, still thinks that following orders is the most important thing in the world, still would accept this mission for the sake of his Village, still carries the innocence of youth even if he doesn’t realize it.

Sarutobi Hiruzen is many things but he likes to think that cruel is not one of them. Like his own sensei all he does has a purpose, a reason, a objective, if he can avoid cruelty he will always choose that path, if he can spare a life better yet. It can be a point of strength or weakness, depending on who you ask, but it’s who he is and after so many decades is not something he is thinking about changing.

So he starts to think, to plan something that will avoid that mess without bloodshed. It has to be another way and he is diposte to look for it.

* * *

 

In the end Hiruzen finds the answer in Danzo’s failure.

Because the characteristics that make it impossible for Uchiha Shisui to be the scapegoat Danzo wants are exactly what makes him perfect to act as a connection between Konoha and the Uchiha Clan, a boy they both claim as their own, someone whose strength is admired and recognized beyond their borders, someone who build roots and cultivated healthy relationships in both sides, someone that can be trusted.

And what better way to please the Uchihas, to ground them to Konoha, to make them feel important while at the same time showing the rest of the village that they belong, that they are a part of them and not monsters hiding in the shadows, than to make a Uchiha the next Hokage?

Hiruzen is old, old and tired and getting weaker with every passing year, and his time as Hokage must come to a end sooner or later, it makes perfect sense for him to appoint a substitute, for him to start training someone as he trained Minato a lifetime ago. Until now he had not thought off anyone to take the hat from him, no one willingly at least, and while it would be beautiful to pass the legacy to Naruto, to see the bright boy fulfilling that dream, the child is too young, has barely started the Academy, and Hiruzen is not a fool to think he has the luxury to wait until Naruto reaches adulthood to make a choice.

Times are changing, evolving, the world that Hiruzen and his Council know are disappearing and he can't in good conscience allow Konoha to become a aging village stuck in time.

Things, he muses indulging in a dark secret corner of his mind, would be so much easier if Minato had survived, if he had got the chance to build his own Council, to appoint his own people and shape Konoha as something not unlike himself- Dangerous and lethal and willing to do what is necessary, but also alive, burning with passion and hope, bright in a way that is comforting. The Konoha Minato could have shaped would be a thing of beauty, Hiruzen thinks that he is too marked by bloody wars and suffering to see things in a kinder light, to build a Konoha of peace.

He hopes that Shisui is a good choice. That he shapes the village in a way that makes it thrive, that he does what everyone before him failed at and truly unites them, not only the Village and the Uchihas but the other clans as well, that somehow that teenager is able to save them from themselves.

It's a good thing that one thing he always refused to let go off is his ability to hope.


	7. Chapter 7

“I'm sorry what?”

Shisui can't believe his own ears, can't believe what he thinks the Sandaime just proposed. He stares at the man unashamed, mouth forced shut from sheer habit, eyes wild and he imagines they express how utterly confused he is feeling. Of everything he imagined about the reason behind this private conversation this didn’t even come close to being considered.

“I’m asking you if you accept to be my successor, if you are willing to become a Hokage candidate” The Sandaime actually sounds a bit amused, calmly smoking his pipe, watching him with intense but bright eyes

“But… Why?” He can’t wrap his head around this idea because it came out of nowhere, nothing in the last few months indicate that this, whatever this is, was a actual thing that could happen.

“Because i think that this is the solution we have been looking for, i know i can trust you and your loyalty to the village and appointing you as my successor, putting you in such a high position, will probably help calm your clan down, give us enough time to work out the issues without the threat of a civil war hanging over our heads.”

It makes sense, the young Uchiha can admit to himself, his clan will be pleased to see one of them trusted to be a Hokage, although it’s far from a perfect quick solution- Too much resentment, too much history, too much people who look at Shisui and see an outsider who, just like his Grandfather, belongs to the village- it’s the best one he has heard so far. The Sandaime didn’t say anything about what Danzo thinks is the best solution but the walls have ears and Shisui is far from an idiot and unlikely what the older man thinks he is not that subtle in his attempts at hitting the inevitability of such a massacre to maintain peace.

A part of Shisui, a big part, feels dread and guilt pooling in his stomach because there is a way he could stop this madness and no one would be harmed, no one would even know something had been done at all. The Mangekyou is a weapon stronger than anyone, himself included, could imagine and his is probably a bit trickier than those recorded in history, he has not used it regularly, has hardly ever activate it unless when solo missions or missions with Emiko got harder than expected, but he did it often enough to know what he can do.

But at the same time the idea of using the Mangekyou makes bile rise in the back of this throat.

The Hokage has no idea he has it, has no idea about what really happened in that cursed mission and exactly how Hikaro lost his life, he has no idea that the young man standing in front of him is a friend killer, and he can’t imagine coming clear about it almost two years after the fact. Not for himself, he can bear all the consequences of his acts and his lies with his head held high, but there is no way he can tell the history without involving Emiko and he will not, in any circumstance, do anything that can affect her negatively, coming clear about that day and the power he has hidden is an option he has taken off the table long ago and even such an extreme circumstance is not enough to make him put it back- If things get even more out of control he will not have a choice but for now Shisui can’t bring himself to do it.

Because there is another reason for his silence, one that is deeply selfish, and is the fact that using the Mangekyou makes him feel dirty and wrong and his skin itches and his insides feel cold and everything seems to close down on him because the only thing he can think off when using those eyes is the fact that he only has them because he murdered his best friend, that those powers come from innocent blood spilled by his hands, and he swears he can feel the blood in his hands again while the eyes are activate, the scent clings to his nose, there is a buzzing in his ears and it takes every bit of his self control to actually use it and after he is done he is, as Emiko not so kindly put it with a judgmental twist of her lips, a hot mess of pent up guilt and self-blame and a bit of self hatred that have no actual outlet.

If he is honest with himself Shisui is not even sure he could successfully use the Mangekyou in such a situation and this alternative is a beacon of light, the reality of having an actual good option takes weight of his shoulders because it means that he is not jeopardizing the safety and stability of his village and his clan for selfish reasons.

“I accept”

It’s a no brainer at this point but clearly the Sandaime had considered the possibility of him refusing because the man relaxes almost imperceptibly, as if a weight was also taken from his shoulders and Shisui manages to give him a tight smile.

It’s not a magic fix it but it’s a step in the right direction.

* * *

 

The Sandaime is going to make it nice and official to the rest of Konoha in two weeks but he had given him permission to share the news with his family if he wishes, what clearly translate as permission to tell Masaru-sensei and Emiko because while he loves his clan and biologically they are family it’s not as if he is that much close to any of them, Itachi is his absolute favorite relative but Shisui is not going to add more weight to a kid’s shoulders, Itachi doesn’t need one more person to talk adult things with and Shisui makes an effort to mention the shinobi life as little as possible while with his cousin, there are a lot of people willing and eager to ignore how young Itachi is without him joining the club, he is happy with being the fun cousin who tells stories and drags him to festivals and carnivals at any given moment.

(The ~~tragic~~ funny thing is: Shisui was less of a child than Itachi, was forced to grow equally as fast and a bit more harder, Itachi was spared of the battlefield, of the feeling of taking lives and knowing those people are just like him, that they have family and friends and dreams and just like him they didn’t start that war and probably hate it as much as he does, there is a difference between killing someone on a mission and killing someone during a war and Shisui is so so grateful that Itachi doesn’t know this, his little cousin is a gentle soul and it kills him to see how it is being beaten out of him mission by mission, it hurts to watch what little innocence was left in him after seeing war leaving his eyes.

He may not realize it but Shisui is doing for Itachi what no one did for him, what he secretly, in a dark hardly visited corner of his being, he wishes someone _had_ done for him so many years ago)

That is why Shisui finds himself sitting in Emiko’s couch, nursing a headache and a green tea while said girl is busy in the small kitchen heating whatever food she had brought for them- Neither of them are cookers, Shisui can scrap something if he really tries but Emiko hardly can be bothered to keep her fridge stocked let alone cook anything-, one of the strays she insists in claiming don’t belong to her is rubbing his head in his leg and the Uchiha rubs the yellow fur while holding back a sigh of pure exhaustion.

Now that he had time to think he is being hit by the magnitude of what he just did, about what that yes meant not only for him but for the history of Konoha as a whole. Shisui never really saw himself as a leader or someone who can inspire the same loyalty the Sandaime does, he is a good soldier and a good assassin but that hardly translates into the political expertise necessary to run a village like Konoha, he doesn’t even know where to start and the feeling is unpleasant, Shisui is not used to not knowing something, with something he admits is a bit of arrogance he asks himself if this is how the “normal” people feel all the time.

“So” Emiko starts handing him a bowl with ramen, blue eyes sharp like she is approaching a mission “I’m looking at the next Hokage?”

“Apparently” Shisui grunts stuffing his mouth suddenly starving “Sarutobi-sama thinks putting me in such a high position will help mend some of the bridges between my clan and the village, make them feel important and trusted”

“And it will work?”

“Maybe” He shrugs “With the Elders and Fukagu-sama is hard to tell but with the others it probably will, the fact that no Uchiha was seriously considered for the position is a bit of a sore spot.”

“And do you _want_ it?”

“What?”

“Do you want to be Hokage?” Emiko has a way of speaking sometimes that makes people feel stupid, a flatness to her tone like whoever don’t get what she said is stupid and while Shisui is hardly a target for that specific tone it doesn’t escape his attention when it’s used on him, the arched eyebrows help with that too “Did you accept it because you want to or because you feel like it’s the only choice?”

“Probably the later” He gives her a smile that feels flat and unamused “I can’t say that i hate the idea i just… Never considered it i guess, it was never something i saw myself doing and i don’t think i’m the best person for the job, what i know about politics and diplomacy, about running a village?”

“Probably nothing” His teammate admits, eating a bit of her own meal before continuing “But maybe that is not what makes a good leader, maybe political ability is not what the village needs right now.”

“And what would it need?”

“Kindness. Hope. Courage. Someone who knows the value of peace and would fight for it, will put them before himself.” She shrugs like it’s obvious “You can learn how to play political games Shisui, can learn how to file paperwork, how to deal with numbers and people in a way you are not used to, you have the brains and the disposition for it. It’s harder to learn kindness, harder to learn how to care for people, the fact that you are willing to follow a path you don’t want for their sake speaks louder and clearer than you think.”

“So the fact that i don’t want to be a Hokage makes me a good one?” He laughs a bit, shoulders dropping a bit in relief because her validation, her trust and belief in him matters more than he is comfortable admitting

“Basically yes”

“You have a funny logic Emiko.”

“It doesn’t mean I’m not right.”

“Obito dreamed of being Hokage.”

He can’t hold the words, blurts them out without meaning to, they just spill out his lips leaving his insides feeling raw like they scratched their way out. It’s what is bothering him since the beginning and it’s hard to hold it in when he feels so safe.

He doesn’t usually talk about Obito.

Not to Itachi, not to his Clan, not to Emiko, not to his sensei, not even to himself. It’s still too much of a sore spot even so many years after the fact, he doesn’t think most people, even those closer to him, know how much he loved Obito, how much the other boy meant for him. Two orphan boys, ghosts between those who should be family, never really a part of them, never really included in anything, they used to live close to each other and it wasn’t rare for Shisui to find Obito passed out from exhaustion after a self imposed training session from hell and take care of the older boy or even to just listen to him ramble about his crush and his stupid stuck up teammate.

Shisui could never really relate to Obito, could not understand what is to struggle to learn, he took to the shinobi life as easy as breathing while Obito had to crawl his way to it, and a part of him always felt an irrational guilt, Obito hide it behind smiles and fake cheer but it hurt him to see himself surrounded by genius and being always judged for not being able to measure against them.

He can’t help but think he is stealing this from Obito, just like he stole the spotlight in everything else, how he took the glory when they became chunnin because he won the tournament while Obito took the promotion but couldn’t reach the top 3.

“Oh” Emiko stays silent like she always does when they mention family, musing over what to say “And you feel like you are stealing it from him?”

“.... Maybe”

“He is dead Shisui. That is something that will never happen.” She says, bluntly but not unkindly, eyes soft “So use this as incentive, do it for him then, be the type of Hokage he would be proud off.”

Shisui takes a deep breath and stays silent choosing to finish his ramen instead of going down this particular path and open a can of worms better left alone, Emiko, bless her heart, takes the hint and fills the silence with trivial talk, stories from missions or things that happened when he was away, never once expecting him to answer or engage at all. It’s only later, when the plates are clean and a cat is using his lap as a bed while the others surround the girl as she fills their bowls with food- The best one available, for someone that claims she doesn’t have cats Emiko sure acts the opposite-, that he finds his voice and will to talk again.

“You know Sarutobi-sama said that i would need to appoint my own people of trust to take over his people in key positions inside Konoha to be approved by the actual Council and i was thinking that....”


	8. Chapter 8

Emiko watches Shisui being appointed with as a Hokage Candidate with the same dread she does while watching him use the Mangekyou Sharingan. There is a part of her, the civilian side the one who never truly got a hang of the whole “undying loyalty doing everything for the cause” thing, that still wants to yell at him, shake him and beg him to think of himself for once.

But she can’t and she will not.

Because Shisui doesn’t need to hear her worries about how he is yet again tearing himself down for the sake of others, don’t need a lecture about how he is important as a person and not only as a soldier, he needs support. He needs her to stay by his side in this journey he never asked and never wanted, needs someone to ground him when everything is changing, he needs her to tell him he can do it.

Shisui always does everything to be there for other people, has always, always been at her side no matter what, has been the only thing keeping her on her feet more than once and he deserves, and needs, someone to do the same to him. Emiko can be that person, can support him and help him in whatever he may need, can agree with a proposal she also never dreamed or wanted because it will make his life easier, because she loves him to death and she will do anything to help him.

 _Maybe,_ Emiko muses with a long sigh, _Shisui is not the only self-sacrificing idiot around_.

She watches the people more than she pays attention to the Sandaime’s speech, watches as they look at Shisui with wonder but very few show surprise at him, some whispers of “An Uchiha?” make their way around but that is the worst it gets because it gets meet with incredulous almost offended looks that make her smile. Shisui is well liked by their peers, enough that his Clan is not a problem even in those times were tensions are sky high and the Uchihas are treated as a threat more than as companions.

“You don’t look very surprised.” A voice sounds from behind her, low enough that only she can hear and she doesn’t turn, pretending to pay attention to their Hokage

She knows she will not recognize the face, the eyes yes but not the rest of it, but the voice is familiar enough to give her an identity. ANBU teaches you to recognize people for things other than their looks and even if Emiko never got the hang of identifying people by their smell or the timbre of their voice it doesn’t mean she can’t recognize a voice she hears almost daily.

“Why would I be surprised?” She replies in the same low, if a bit cheeky, tone, eyes trained in the same direction as everyone else

“You knew didn’t you.”

He doesn’t say it as a question and she doesn’t bother to answer the obvious.

“Isn’t it the type of thing you should report to your superiors?”

“I’m not on ANBU duty and the things a friend tell me in private are not the business of the village, if the Hokage wanted the ANBU to know about this beforehand he would have delivered the news himself” She replies with an amused snort “And even if it was ANBU’s business I wouldn’t be reporting it to you would I? You are not my superior Bat, actually is quite the contrary isn’t it?”

And that is the whole point isn’t it?

The man tenses behind her and she can imagine him flexing his fingers, too much control to curl his hands into fists or to externalize his rage in more than a too deep breath, also more likely than not biting back a lecture she has overheard many times. It hurts one’s ego when a 17-year-old girl gets the promotion you have been waiting your whole career for and becomes higher than you in the hierarchy.

Emiko would feel bad about it if it wasn’t so amusing.

Bat has been searching for any opportunities to lash out and test her patience ever since she got the promotion in his place, and even more after she pointed out that technically she _has_ more time in ANBU than him and has a better overall ratting- Sensei, always long suffering, has said time and time again that maybe toning it down a bit will do good but Emiko has time and time again rolled his eyes at him, if they can’t get on her level it’s not her job to get down to theirs for the sake of their fragile ego, she has no problem explaining things or changing tactics when people can’t follow her but she absolutely has a problem when people expect her to act dumb so they don’t have to feel bad for themselves, if her intelligence and competence offends him, well too fucking bad.

“Do you actually want something or you just came to bother me?” She asks after minutes drag themselves and the man stays tense and silent behind her, probably thinking of himself as intimidating

“I wanted to give you a warming.” He replies, voice arrogant like that of a person who thinks they know something you don’t, he doesn’t sound threating about it what is a bit more confusing, more smug than anything else “I wouldn’t trust a Uchiha if I was in your shoes, the shadows have been whispering about a coup being breed inside those walls and you never know when those snakes will attack us again, now that one of them has a legal claim over the Hokage position is a matter of time before they stab us in the back. I would get ready to spill some of that cursed blood instead, only the dead are not threatening.”

Emiko feels like ice has been dumped into her veins, but not for the reason Bat probably expected it. His words are not his and she knows it even if he probably doesn’t, can recognize the patterns of a well-placed induction because usually _she_ is the one doing it, using whispers and a person’s ego to nudge them in the direction and the conclusion she wants them to take. A player recognizes the game they play even when it wasn’t them who set the board or started the round.

But she can’t show it to Bat, can’t let him know the effect the words had on her and how deeply worrying they truly are, so she uses years of practice and remains with a relaxed if slight annoyed posture, rolling her eyes even if he can’t see her face just in case he isn’t the only one watching her rather than the Hokage.

“Are you done with your fairy tales or do I still have to listen to it?” Her tone remains flat with just the right hint of disbelieve and amusement, like someone who heard something so ridiculous it is funny

Bat watches her for a few more seconds before he disappears between the gathered crowd again, silent as a shadow, she doesn’t watch him leave but feel as his chakra moves around but doesn’t allow herself to let out a breath, to demonstrate her relieve or even the storm breeding inside her.

Of course things can’t be simple and easy and clean cut, she should be expecting it to go to shit sooner rather than late.

It’s only hours later when darkness has already fallen that she manages to find Shisui alone, going back to the district after probably the most tiring day of his life and she wants nothing more than to allow him to rest and recover but knows it isn’t going to happen. It doesn’t take much for him to understand they need to talk, an arm linked with his and a change of the direction of their steps, the direction of her place rather than his and his shoulders get tense again, his eyes getting the glint of a man already going through all possibilities available.

“What is wrong?” He asks as soon as the door is closed and Emiko toys with the idea of making tea for them but just flops in the couch instead

The kunoichi recounts the sudden meeting with her not so friendly subordinate and lets him come to the same conclusion as her watching as his face grows dark and tired as if the weight he carries in his shoulders is getting heavier.

The thing about this is that no one was supposed to know about the coup, clearly the Uchiha have doing everything in their power to keep it between themselves, if it wasn’t for Shisui the village would not get a wind of the betrayal. And Shisui made sure to tell only the Hokage, Emiko and Masaru-sensei, the former two didn’t share the information with anyone and the Sandaime has spoken of it only with his intimate circle, not even ANBU should hear a wind of it because the walls have ears and not everyone knows how to keep their mouth shut. The fact that Bat, closer to the bottom of the food chain than to the top, seems to know about the coup is deeply worryingly.

And more than that, however spread the rumor wants them to know about it.

“They wanted you to know” Emiko tells him because Shisui is brilliant but she is the master in intimidation techniques “Anyone with half a brain would know that telling Bat would lead him to gloat to me and by talking to me I would bring the news to you. Someone is toying with you.”

“Why? What someone gains by making the tension worse than it already is? This brings nothing but more animosity towards the Uchiha, if people start to believe they are planning a coup appointing me as a Hokage will feel more like an insult than a power move, they will want the Clan’s heads in a silver plate and mine with it.”

“Only the dead are not threats” Emiko quotes Bat, resting her head in the back of the couch and staring at the celling “Those aren’t his words, I know Bat and even if he is an arrogant asshole he was cut from field missions for excessive hesitation, I can’t see someone who months ago couldn’t bring himself to kill people actually suggesting genocide on his own. The real question is who could would want your clan dead Shisui.”

Shisui doesn’t say anything but he is passing around her living room as if he wants to drill a hole in it. Emiko doesn’t know much about the intimate circle of the Hokage, can’t really pin point how many people know about the real Uchiha situation so it’s hard to make a guess on who would gain anything from the annihilation of a clan, mostly because she can’t think about a logic reason for anyone to want this, it sounds like self-sabotage more than an actual strategy.

“Danzo doesn’t approve of me as a Hokage” Shisui whispers the words, talking more to himself than to her but it shakes her back to reality “He isn’t nearly as subtly as he thinks he is with the way he keeps staring and sneering at me. Do you think….”

“I don’t know” She says honestly “Do you think he could?”

“Yes” He doesn’t hesitate, certain to the bone, and she believes him “Bat said that the shadows have been talking didn’t he? As far as I know there is a certain group know to live in the shadows”

“Oh” Emiko says softly, realization hitting her “I guess it was wistful thinking that they would actually disband. Do you think the Hokage knows?”

“I don’t know, but if he does then he is willing to turn a blind eye to the disrespect of a direct order.”

“What are we going to do?”

“I don’t know.”

Emiko sighs not really annoyed but a bit tired, Shisui looks tired and worm out, shoulders hunched in a way he only allows to happen when they are alone and she can only imagine how her own face looks like. They look young, they _are_ young even if they don’t feel like it, everyone always comments on it, pointing out how Shisui’s curls make him look angelic, how her big blue eyes make her look innocent, how they both have dimples when smiling, and Emiko wonders what they would think if they could see them like this, without the mask, without making a conscious decision to keep their posture a certain way, if they still would look young in their eyes.

“Well let’s try to figure it out then” She smiles, small and tired and Shisui smiles back in the same way

Nobody ever said the world is nice or kind or fair and they never expected it to be like that anyway, this is just another thing they must survive from.

 

* * *

 

 

Shisui finds out by accident.

It’s so surprising, such an absolutely ridiculous way to discover one of the darkest secrets of their village that it almost makes him burst into hysterical laugh. He wasn’t looking for it, wasn’t spying on Danzo, wasn’t trying to find out who is spreading the truth about the Uchiha coup. He was just walking to his home after another reunion with the Sandaime, another lesson about what a Hokage does, what he will need to learn before the hat is passed down to him, walking out the tower and he literally stumbles upon the answer to his most pressing questions.

That is where he sees blood on the floor. Not a lot of it, small droplets like you get when a still healing cut opens a bit, but it looks so out of place in the pristine tower, maintained so clean and spotless, that he can’t help but frown and follow the trail of blood, his curiosity gaining the better of him like it usually does. Always better safe than sorry, if it turns out to be something small and unimportant great, if not then the sooner he deals with it the better.

His nerves are so on edge recently that he can’t help but be suspicious of his own shadow.

(For a good reason. ANBU isn’t the only military group who prides themselves on working in the shadows.)

Following the blood while hiding himself is easy, a skill gained before puberty, but it’s a lot harder to contain any noise or sudden movement when he finds the end of the trail. Shisui finds himself in a supposedly abandoned ANBU facility, the place was meant to be empty and forgotten after a leak in security happened during the war and they moved everything to a new location, but even if it shows clear signals of abandon it is just as clearly being used for something. The Uchiha hides himself behind a pillar, close enough to see and maybe hear what’s happening but far enough that he can escape with relative easiness, and he allows himself one deep breath because _fuck_.

He feels like the world is shifting under his feet, shaking so bad that Shisui leans against the nearest wall and he is pretty sure it’s the only thing keeping him upright. He bits his tongue so hard he tastes blood but doesn’t allow any sound to leave his lips.

He just stares and stares in stunned petrified silence as the scene unfolds before his eyes, feeling like he was just forced to eat a rock that is now sitting heavy inside him. If Shisui was someone else, someone a bit more optimistic, a bit more hopeful, a little less damaged and cynical, he would have blinked and wished for this to be a nightmare or an illusion or a misunderstanding.

But Shisui is not that person and he has never allowed himself to hope for the best of people and situations (“Too much optimism gets you killed, either in mind or spirit” He remembers Emiko telling him one rainy afternoon), he wants it of course, wants the best outcome but he can’t expect it to happen, has always prepared himself for the worst because it’s so much easier like this.

So Shisui doesn’t blink and he doesn’t try to justify what he is seeing as something that is not. He accepts reality with a bitter taste in his tongue and dread polling in his stomach.

He watches, in sick fascination, as a man in an ANBU mask kneels in front of Danzo and extends what was once a white cloth but now is dripping with blood. Blood coming from the eyes the cloth is hiding from sight, even from afar the Uchiha knows those eyes were extracted with ultimate care, the work of a person who knew what to do to keep them intact and preserved while retiring them of the body.

Shisui stares and two eyeballs with the Sharingan stare back at him.

Danzo, unaware of his presence and focused only on his prize, grins with satisfaction, a twisted thing that stretches across a face not used to it. He picks one of they eyeballs and rises it against the light, Shisui can’t help but remember seeing a man doing the same thing to a ring the other day, inspecting the jewelry to make sure it’s not damaged or fake, Danzo makes the same exact same movements until he nods in satisfaction and a bit of the tension on the still kneeled man is gone, he doesn’t look ready to snap at any given minute.

What follows is straight out of a horror show, one of those pieces of theater Emiko so deeply enjoys and the Uchiha almost expects an audience to gasp in shock. He feels like gagging. Danzo puts the eyeball back and slowly starts to take out the bandages that cover his arm and as the white clothe is taken away it reveals an arm that instead of scars or wounds as one would expect carries eyes.

Shisui stares and an arm filled with Sharingans stare back at him.

Danzo turns his arm until he finds one eye in particular that looks different than the rest, half lidden with an almost milky substance covering it. A sick eye, that is taken off unceremoniously by the man who just digs in his own flesh and pulls it out dropping it in the ground like trash.

He gags. Can’t avoid the sound even if he tried his hardest, can barely contain the bile in the back of this throat because everything makes sense now doesn’t it?

The many Uchiha members who disappear during solo missions, never too closely to each other, but in a steady number, at least one every 6 months, considered killed even if no body is ever found. The ones who are found but had their eyes taken from them when they are still alive just to ensure that they Kekkei Genkai would be active. The whispers of an enemy, of a conspiracy.

The Elders are sure it’s a tactic to weak them, taking them out one by one slow enough as to not raise suspicion, to not draw attention to the Hokage and his plans.

The Sharingan is valuable but not every person can handle it’s power, it drains you, the Uchiha have evolved, their chakra grow used to the constant pull to the point they don’t even realize it is happening but it’s not the same to others, if they aren’t careful the eye drains them instead and not every Sharingan can be used by someone that isn’t their original owner, sometimes, the elderly who cover one of both of they eye sockets tell the children in whisper the parents aren’t supposed to hear, the eyes have wills of their own and they can and will resist being used by those unworthy, they will die, become useless after being implanted.

Shisui never doubted the tales, aware of scars and quivering lips and pain and trauma barely hidden by the shadows as they spoke to children- Warmings, never horror tales but warmings about cruelty and greed- but he never truly paid them enough attention and now he wishes that he had.

Danzo seems to know an awful lot about it.

He gags again and of course the sound draws the attention of the people in the room, it’s too quiet for them to not be on high alert in the same instance. Shisui knows what he needs to do and pushing back his bile with all his strength he moves, slowly, so painfully slowly away from the pillar, keeping himself in the shadows barely breathing as Danzo whispers orders to his people who start to move as silently as Shisui himself.

He doesn’t try to make it back home, doesn’t try to hide himself in the shadows, knows it’s useless that they will spot him sooner than later so he does the best thing and copy a trick he has seen Emiko pull out hundreds of times before.

Shisui makes his presence know as soon as he is out of the former ANBU headquarters, steps out of the shadows like he was never in it, moves until he is in the street midway between Danzo’s hidden spot and the Hokage tower. He takes two steps when he feels he has company, but he doesn’t let it show.

Emiko is better at this, in hiding in plain sight, murdering a man or stealing information and instead of disappearing in the shadows or running back to safety she just steps back into the light, smiles and acts like she never was anywhere but there and people fall for it without fail. Shisui isn’t as good at it as her but he is confident he can pull this off, he _has_ to pull this off and desperation is always a good incentive.

Shisui plants a smile on his face, bright and cheeky, the one who makes women blush and men wink in his way shyly, and keeps moving, hands in his pocket, shoulders relaxed, the picture of a young man who is just making his way home and didn’t see anything wrong, anything out of norm, that never saw droplets of blood in the floor or followed them.

He keeps moving like that until he arrives at his own apartment, enters and goes around like nothing is wrong, follows his routine like he doesn’t feel eyes in the back of his neck, like he doesn’t see the shadow that is hidden just outside his widow, Shisui pretends he doesn’t know he is being followed and falls into bed, faking sleep so easily and so well that hours later the spy leaves as quietly as he started following him.

But Shisui knows how to play this game, is no foolish newbie who rushes into things, who let himself fall into a false sense of security and control. Shisui is a soldier and a killer, he mastered this game before he hit puberty and he is mildly offended Danzo’s spy is underestimating him like this.

So he doesn’t do anything that night or the next morning, he follows his routine, attends his lessons with the Sandaime, exchanges pleasantries with the Council and shakes Danzo’s hand without hesitation, with an easy smile that hides no hint of suspicion, eats ramen for lunch and helps train some newly promoted jounins in the afternoon, at night he joins Gai and Genma for dinner and chats about unimportant things until it’s time to sleep and repeat.

There are still eyes burning holes in the back of his neck, shadows following him, but they start to disappear, start distancing themselves inch by inch until almost a month later they are gone completely, safe in the knowledge that he never saw anything, never suspected what is hidden behind white bandages and a placid expression.

Shisui could laugh at them.

(A part of him, something too cruel to be merely petty, is quite offended by how easy it is to shake them off.

What do they take him for? Shisui is a genius, top of his class, fastest member of ANBU to make captain, respected by men thrice his age, an assassin, a spy, master of the Sharingan.

Shisui doesn’t flatter his geniality around, doesn’t make a big deal of it, and unlikely Emiko he goes out of his way to make sure it doesn’t make people uncomfortable, he makes a conscient effort to “dumb it down” as his sensei calls it in every aspect of his life. He smiles and jokes and he like to go out with friends and even indulge in the eventual prank but that doesn’t mean he isn’t dangerous, isn’t someone to look out for.

There is a part of Shisui, dark and buried but still very much there, that wants to make Danzo _pay_ for this gross underestimation of him.)

And it’s a month after that night that he enters Emiko’s apartment like he owns it, her wards letting him pass as if he does, to find her sitting in her couch, broken arm in a cast and paperwork spread everywhere as she reads report after report, signing some and writing down things in others. She doesn’t look up at him, doesn’t acknowledge his entrance even as he moves around her kitchen digging until he finds some tea and starts making it.

It’s only when he hands her a mug that she closes the file and looks at him, the bruises healed like they were never there but there is still a faint pink line in her right cheekbone that stands out in an always too pale skin, her eyes sharp and an eyebrow raised in a silent questioning.

“We have to kill Danzo”

He lets the words out with certain, soft low voice, not like sharing a secret but like they are in a mission discussing what their next plan of action will be, eyes calculating and mind running across a hundred of possibilities, discharging plans as quickly as they come. Shisui knows Emiko, knows what he would do if their situations are inverted, so he already knows what she will say, already expects what follows and is not even a bit worried about this conversation.

“Okay. Any special requests before we start?”

 “I want him to suffer.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for going mia, uni is kicking my ass rn

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> Let's be honest my favorite thing to do while reading/watching Naruto is thinking in ways i can absolutely destroy canon because c'mon there are SO MANY characters who deserved better! This is just one of my ideas because i think Shisui had so many potential and that the Uchihas deserve a shot into happiness even if i have to destroy canon for it.  
> The first chapters are just to estabilish Shisui's story, the actual plot starts a bit latter and most canon characters show up.


End file.
